I don't get it.Originally Posted by Landro
#magi
Most republican presidential candidates claim to be Christians while opposing pretty much everything Jesus did or said.
Pope Francis seems to be one of those rare popes who actually follows Jesus' teachings.
lol
#magi
Twenty-eight years ago, Herman James, a Tennessee mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in boot camp, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon, an Army barber sheared his head. On his second day, the Army issued him a tooth brush. That afternoon, an Army dentist yanked several of his teeth. On his third day, he was issued a jock strap. The Army is still looking for him.
Laughter IS the best medicine - always
The Pope arrives in heaven, where St. Peter awaits him. St. Peter asks who he is.
The Pope: "I am the pope."
St. Peter: "Who? There's no such name in my book."
The Pope: "I'm the representative of God on Earth."
St.Peter: "Does God have a representative? He didn't tell me ..."
The Pope: "But I am the leader of the Catholic Church ..."
St. Peter: "The Catholic church ... Never heard of it ... Wait, I'll check with the boss."
St. Peter walks away through Heaven's Gate to talk with God.
St. Peter: "There's a dude standing outside who claims he's your representative on earth."
God: "I don't have a representative on earth, not that I know of ... Wait, I'll ask Jesus." (yells for Jesus)
Jesus: "Yes father, what's up?"
God and St. Peter explain the situation.
Jesus: "Wait, I'll go outside and have a little chat with that fellow."
Ten minutes pass and Jesus reenters the room laughing out loud.
After a few minutes St. Peter asks Jesus why he's laughing.
Jesus: "Remember that fishing club I've started 2000 years ago? It still exists!"
I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you how you need to be 'saved' or 'burn'
In a small town, a man just opened a small store selling trumpets and guns. One day his neighbour pays him a visit and says "So how is your strange business going?" "What do you mean strange?" "Because you sell only trumpets and guns!" "So?" "Well, let me put it this way, what do you sell the most, trumpets or guns?" "It evens itself out. Each time a customer buys a trumpet, one of his neighbours buys a gun".
Laughter IS the best medicine - always
Jack goes to his friend Mike and says "I'm sleeping with the Pastor's Wife. Can you hold him in church for an hour after the service for me?" The friend doesn't like it but being a friend, he agrees. After the service, he starts talking to the Pastor, asking him all sorts of stupid questions, just to keep him occupied. Finally the Pastor gets annoyed and asks Mike what he's really up to. Mike, feeling guilty, finally confesses to the Pastor "My friend is sleeping with your wife right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied". The Pastor smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Mike's shoulder and says "You'd better hurry home now. My wife died a year ago!"
Laughter IS the best medicine - always
A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers. Thinking he'd try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing whatsoever of the game. The pro showed him the stance and swing, then said "Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green". The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight down the fairway and onto the green, where it stopped inches from the hole. "Now what?" the fellow asked the speechless pro. "Uh... you're supposed to hit the ball into the cup" the pro finally said, after he was able to speak again. The retiree replied "Oh great! NOW you tell me!"
Laughter IS the best medicine - always
I do not get it.
#magi
http://www.theguardian.com/travel/20...issection-lion
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