Krozair's Krackup's

[Krozair]

A teacher at school is trying to emphasise to her pupils the point of having a good breakfast, and how it makes you cleverer than those who don't eat it.
To make a point, she asks John, the cleverest boy in the class what he had for breakfast. "Muesli and a slice of wholemeal toast with jam, miss". Then she asks him how many states there are in America "50, miss".
She then asks Jenny, the cleverest girl in the class what she had for breakfast. "A big bowl of Frosties and a big glass of orange juice miss" and she asks her what the longest river in the world is "the Nile miss"
She then turns around and asks Billy, the stupidest kid in the class what he ate. "I had a stale crust for breakfast, miss". The class giggled, the teacher tutted and told him he should have something more substantial.
"Okay Billy, can you tell me where the Indian border is?" "Oh that's easy!" exclaimed Billy "He's in bed with me mum. That's why I only had a stale crust for my breakfast!"

[Palem]

What did the boy with no hands get for christmas?


No one knows. He hasn't opened it yet.

[neanderthal]

What did the boy with no hands get for christmas?


No one knows. He hasn't opened it yet.

Just sad on so many levels.

Why you bring down the thread??

[Palem]

Would a blond joke be better?

Two blonds were driving down to Disney World. While approaching their destination they saw a sign that said "Disney World Left", so they went home.

[Landro]

[khronosschoty]

lol ^_^;;

[Landro]

[Palem]

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized She was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, “Business trip or pleasure?”

She turned, smiled and said, “Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston."

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen Sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs!

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, “What’s your Business at this convention?”

“Lecturer,” she responded. “I use information that I have learned from my Personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.”

“Really?” he said. “And what kind of myths are there?”

“Well,” she explained, “one popular myth is that African-American men are The most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is That Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Mexican Descent who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with Absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck.”

Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed.. “I’m Sorry,” she said, “I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t even know your name.”

“Tonto,” the man said, “Tonto Gonzales, but my friends call me Bubba".

[neanderthal]

Reasons for Sensitivity Training

I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair but, by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and she is being stoned in the morning!

My wife suggested I get myself one of those male enhancement, so I did .... she's 21 and her name is Lucy.

My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job. I said, "Son, that's 3 schools this year! You'd better stop before you're banned from teaching altogether."


The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can't afford to buy batteries.


A man calls 911 and says, "I think my wife has died". The operator says, "How do you know?" He says, "The sex is about the same, but the ironing is piling up!"

I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You obviously haven't been listening."

My live in girlfriend has been missing for three weeks. The police said to prepare for the worst. So, I had to go down to Goodwill to get all of her clothes back.

I've heard that Apple has scrapped their plans for the new children's-oriented iPod after realizing that "iTouch Kids" is not a good product name.

The Red Cross just knocked on my door and asked if we could contribute towards the floods in Pakistan. I said we'd love to, but our garden hose only reaches to the driveway.

[Landro]

[Krozair]

Once upon a time there lived a king. The king had a beautiful daughter, the Princess. But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would - no matter what: metal, wood, stone, you name it - anything she touched would melt.

Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her. The king despaired. What could he do to help his daughter? He consulted his wizards and magicians.

One wizard told the king "If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured".

The king was overjoyed and came up with a plan. The next day, he announced a competition: Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the king's wealth.

Three young princes took up the challenge.

The first brought a sword of the finest steel but, alas, when the princess touched it, it melted. The prince went away sadly.

The second prince brought diamonds. He thought diamonds are the hardest substance in the world and would not melt but, alas, once the princess touched them, they melted. He too went away disappointed.

The third prince approached. He told the princess "Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there". The princess did as she was told, though she turned red with embarrassment. She felt something hard. She held it in her hand. And it did not melt!!

The king was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed. And the third prince married the princess and they both lived happily ever after.

Question: What was in the prince's pants?

Answer: M&M's, of course, they melt in your mouth, not in your hand!

What were you thinking?

[Landro]

[Krozair]

Two lawyers are in a bank, when, suddenly, armed robbers burst in, waving guns and yelling for everyone to freeze. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the lawyers, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, and other valuables. While this is going on, one of the lawyers jams something into the other lawyer's hand. Without looking down, the second lawyer whispers: "What is this?" The first lawyer replies: "It's the $100 I owe you".

[Krozair]

One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river.

When he began crying, God appeared and asked him "Why are you crying?" The woodcutter told Him that his axe has fallen into water. God went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. "Is this your axe?" God asked.

The woodcutter said "No".

God again went down and came up with a silver axe". "Is this your axe?" God asked.

The wood cutter said "No".

God went down again and came up with an iron axe. "Is this your axe?" God asked.

The wood cutter said "Yes".

God was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all the three axes. The woodcutter went home happily.

One day while he was walking with his wife along the river, his wife fell into the river. When he began crying, God appeared and asked him "Why are you crying?" "My wife has fallen into water".

God went down into the water and came up with Natalie Portman. "Is this your wife?" God asked. "Yes" he said.

God was furious. "You cheat! I will curse you..." God scolded. He quickly said "Forgive me My Lord. It is a misunderstanding. If I say "No" to Natalie Portman, you will come up with Kim Kardashian. If I also say "No" to her, you will finally come up with my wife and I will say "Yes". Then you will give all the three to me. I am a poor man. I will not be able to look after all the three. So that's why I had to say "Yes".

[Landro]