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Thread: Krozair's Krackup's

  1. #781
    Postaholic Krozair's Avatar
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    My girlfriend just text me: "thespacebuttonisbrokenonmyphonecanyoupleasegiveme analternative". Anybody know what "ternative" means?
    Laughter IS the best medicine - always

  2. #782
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    WOMEN
    Two female friends are catching up: "So, how was your evening last night?" "A disaster! After getting home, my dear beloved hubby wolfed down the dinner that took me all afternoon to prepare in 4 minutes, 'granted' me 3 minutes of passionate love before rolling over and falling asleep 2 minutes later. And you?"
    "Oh, mine was incredible. My hubby was waiting for me to get back home from work. He took me out for a very romantic dinner. We then walked back home, under an amazing starry sky, along the canal, for a good two hours. Once home, he lit up all the candles we had and our foreplay lasted for an hour. We then made love for another hour and then we chatted until late. It was wonderful..."
    MEN
    Meanwhile, at the pub, the husbands are 'networking': "So, how was your evening last night?" "Great! When I came home, the food was ready. I ate, we shagged and I fell asleep. You?"
    "A nightmare! I came home earlier to fix the kitchen shelf. When I switched on the power drill, the fuse went out. The whole house went into darkness. Couldn't find the bloody fuse box, so when my better half arrived, I took her out. It was the only thing to do to avoid getting an earful...! Dinner was so expensive that I couldn't afford the taxi back home, so we had to walk home. Once there, the house was still in the dark, obviously, so I had to light all these ****ing candles to avoid knocking everything down. I was so wound up that it took me an hour to get a hard on, and another one to come. In the end, I was so pissed off that it took me ages to fall asleep, while she kept yapping on and on about everything and nothing..."
    Laughter IS the best medicine - always

  3. #783
    Postaholic Krozair's Avatar
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    Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked "Dad, why are you doing that?" His father replied "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy". Johnny, looking worried, said "Dad, I think the postman wants to buy Mum".
    Laughter IS the best medicine - always

  4. #784
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    Two men were preparing to go out for a day's fishing on the bay. While one of them got the boat ready, the other went to his friend's house to pick up the bait that had been left on the veranda. While he was there, he saw a man in bed with his friend's wife. Back at the boat he announced that he had some bad news, and said what he had seen. His friend took it calmly "Gee you had me worried then. I was afraid you were going to say you'd lost the bait"
    Laughter IS the best medicine - always

  5. #785
    Postaholic Krozair's Avatar
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    I tried to make a corona virus joke a while back. Nobody laughed at the time, but eventually everyone got it.
    Laughter IS the best medicine - always

  6. #786
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    A young girl went with her dad to 'bring your kids to work day'. After excitedly walking around meeting her dad's colleagues, she suddenly burst into tears. "What's the matter?" asked her dad. "Where's all the clowns you told me you worked with?" she cried.
    Laughter IS the best medicine - always

  7. #787
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    A thief entered a house mid-afternoon. He tied up the woman and at gun point told the man to hand over the jewellery and money now! The man started sobbing and said "Brother, you can take anything you want, but please untie the rope and free her". The thief says "You must really love your wife!" The man replied "No, she is my neighbour's wife, mine will be home any second!"
    Laughter IS the best medicine - always

  8. #788
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    A woman walks into a bar, and guy asks "Can I buy you a drink?" "Sure" said the woman. After a few moments of conversing, she finally asked "So what's your occupation?" He says "I'm a carpenter". "To what extent of carpentry do you work?" asked the woman. The man states: "Well, I actually work extensively with wood". "First, I get you hammered. Next, I nail you. Then, I screw all your friends".
    Laughter IS the best medicine - always

  9. #789
    Postaholic Krozair's Avatar
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    I went to the zoo yesterday and saw a baguette in a cage. The zoo keeper assured me it was bread in captivity
    Laughter IS the best medicine - always

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