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Thread: Krozair's Krackup's

  1. #766
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    Well done Krozair, Hope you are doing well!

  2. #767
    Postaholic Krozair's Avatar
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    Some Xmas one liners :) Merry Christmas all


    How did the ornament get addicted to Christmas?
    He was hooked on trees his whole life

    What do you call a kid who doesnít believe in Santa?
    A rebel without a Claus

    Why did Frosty ask for a divorce?
    His wife was a total flake

    How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?
    Nothing. It was on the house!

    What do you call an elf wearing ear muffs?
    Anything you want. He canít hear you!

    What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
    Frostbite

    What did Adam say to his wife on Christmas?
    Itís finally Christmas, Eve!
    Laughter IS the best medicine - always

  3. #768
    Postaholic Krozair's Avatar
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    Husband calls his wife: "Honey it's me. I don't want to alarm you but I was hit by a car as I was leaving the office. Susan brought me to the hospital. They have checked me over and have done some tests and some x-rays. The blow to my head was severe. Fortunately, it did not cause any serious internal injury. However, I have three broken ribs, a compound fracture in the left leg, and they think they may have to amputate my right foot". Wife's Response: "Who the hell is Susan?" And if you find that hard to believe, you've never been married.
    Laughter IS the best medicine - always

  4. #769
    Postaholic Krozair's Avatar
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    Anybody interested in a free ride in a helicopter, flight for 4 people?! I'm still looking for 2 more people to join us. We leave early Saturday morning and will fly to a secluded bay down south where we will have breakfast and then on a yacht for lunch. Then we'll do some island hopping before flying back home. Promises to be an amazing experience. If interested please let me know. Preferably someone with a helicopter and yacht, otherwise we can't go...
    Laughter IS the best medicine - always

  5. #770
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    A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do? His mother had an idea "Why don't you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your place for a home-cooked meal?" He thought this was a great strategy and arranged a date for a week later. His mother called the day after the big date to see how things had gone. "The evening was a disaster" he moaned. "Why, didn't she come over?" asked his mother. "Oh, she came over, but she refused to cook..."
    Laughter IS the best medicine - always

  6. #771
    Postaholic Krozair's Avatar
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    Just arrived home early from work and saw some thieving bastard that had been trying to break in to my house. He managed to escape by hopping over the fence. I'm proud of the wife though - she must have put up some fight cos she's half naked, covered in sweat and can hardly walk!
    Laughter IS the best medicine - always

  7. #772
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    The missus said "Looking at the state of that garden is hurting my eyes. Will you do something about it?" "As you wish, babe" I replied, then got up, closed the curtains and sat back down again.
    --
    Laughter IS the best medicine - always

  8. #773
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    Three boys are playing outside just after dark, when one of them noticed a light on in a window. Billy says to Johnnie and Joey: "Let's take a peek!" They look in the window and see a pretty woman undressing. Suddenly, Johnnie runs away and the other boys can't find him. The next day, Billy and Joey see Johnnie and ask: "Why'd you run away, you some kind of ****** or something?" Johnnie replies: "No, my mother told me that if I ever do anything naughty, say anything naughty or even LOOK at anything naughty, God would turn me into stone. Well, when I looked in that window, part of my body start turning to stone, so I ran away!"
    Laughter IS the best medicine - always

  9. #774
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    A bloke from the bush walked into an antique shop. After looking around for a while, he noticed a very life-like bronze statue of a rat. It had no price tag, but it was so striking that he decided to buy it anyway.
    He took it to the owner and said "How much is this bronze rat?" The owner replied "It's $12 for the rat and $100 for the story".
    The fellow gave the owner his $12 and said" I'll just take the rat, you can keep the story!"
    As he walked off down the street, he noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of the drains and begun following him. This was a little disconcerting, so he started to walk a little faster, but within a couple of blocks the swarm of rats had grown to hundreds, and they were all squealing and screeching in a very menacing way.
    He increased his speed and ran on towards the river and as he ran, he looked behind him and saw the rats now numbered in their millions! And they were running faster and faster.
    By now very concerned, he ran down to the pier and threw the bronze rat as far out into the water as he could.
    Amazingly, the millions of real rats jumped into the water after it and were all drowned.
    The man walked back to relate all this to the shop owner, who said "Ah, you've come back for the story then?"
    "**** no!" said the bloke "I came back to see if you've got a bronze politician!?"
    Laughter IS the best medicine - always

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