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Thread: Krozair's Krackup's

  1. #616
    Postaholic Krozair's Avatar
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    A man is sitting in a bar looking really upset. The barman realises that this depressed looking man is bad for business so goes to cheer him up. "What's the matter?" asks the barman. "I've just found my wife in bed with my best friend" "That's awful!" shouts the barman. "What a *****! What did you do?" "Well" said the man "I grabbed my girlfriend by the hair, threw her out of the house, grabbed all her clothes, threw them out of the window after her and told her never to come back". "Good for you" says the barman. "What did you do to your best friend?" "Well" says the man. "I shook my finger at him and said "BAD DOG!" "
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  2. #617
    I like to post Landro's Avatar
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  3. #618
    Postaholic Krozair's Avatar
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    A rather frustrated woman went to the supermarket to try to take her mind off her overly erotic thoughts.

    As she moved through the aisles she saw bananas and apples and so many things that made her recall rather than forget her erotic mood. She ended up buying far more than she needed. When she arrived at the checkout there was a young man packing bags.

    As he packed her bags his muscles gleamed under the fluorescent lights and she could make out the contours of his fit body under his tight t-shirt and trousers.

    She could hardly control herself.

    After she paid she asked the young man if he could help her to her car with her many heavy bags of groceries.

    The young man willingly obliged.

    As they walked through the carpark, the lady finally lost control.

    She placed her hand on the young man's bum and said "I have an itchy pussy". To which the young man replied "You'll have to show me where it is ma'am, 'cause all these Japanese cars look the same to me".
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  4. #619
    Postaholic Krozair's Avatar
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    Luke and Obi-Wan are in a Chinese restaurant having a meal. Skilfully using his chopsticks, Obi-Wan deftly dishes himself a large portion of noodles into his bowl, then tops it off with some chicken and cashew nuts. All this is done with consummate ease you'd expect from a Jedi Master. Poor old Luke is having a nightmare, using his chopsticks in both hands, dropping his food all over the table and eventually himself. Obi-Wan looks at Luke disapprovingly and says "Use the FORKS, Luke".
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  5. #620
    I like to post Landro's Avatar
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  6. #621
    I like to post Landro's Avatar
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  7. #622
    Postaholic Krozair's Avatar
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    One day the sheriff sees Billy-Bob walking around town with nothing on except his gun belt and his boots.

    The sheriff says "Billy-Bob, what the hell are you doing walking around town dressed like that?" Billy-Bob replies "Well sheriff, it's a long story!" Sheriff says he isn't in a hurry and that Billy-Bob should tell the story.

    Billy-Bob continues "Well sheriff, me and Mary-Lou was down on the farm and we started a cuddling. Mary-Lou said we should go in the barn and we did".

    "Inside the barn we started a kissing and a cuddling and things got pretty hot and heavy, well Mary-Lou said that we should go up on the hill so we did".

    "Up on the hill we started a kissing and a cuddling and then Mary-Lou took off all her clothes and said that I should do the same. Well, I took off all my clothes except my gun belt and my boots. Then Mary-Lou lay on the ground and opened her legs and said "Okay Billy-Bob, go to town..."
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  8. #623
    I like to post Landro's Avatar
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    Inside every fat person is a thin person screaming for chocolate

  9. #624
    Postaholic Krozair's Avatar
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    A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his check-up, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die". "Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. No nagging. And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely". On the way home, the husband asked his wife. "What did the doctor say?" "
    He said you're going to die" she replied.
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  10. #625
    I like to post Landro's Avatar
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  11. #626
    I like to post Landro's Avatar
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    Management Suit #1: We need to stop doing animal tests

    Management Suit #2: Why? Cosmetics companies do it all the time

    Management Suit #1: Because we make steamrollers

  12. #627
    Postaholic Krozair's Avatar
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    Q. Who is the most popular guy at a nudist colony? A. The guy who can carry two cups of coffee and a dozen donuts. Q. Who is the most popular girl at a nudist colony? A. The girl who can eat the last donut.
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  13. #628
    Postaholic Krozair's Avatar
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    "The thrill is gone from my marriage" Alan told his friend Don. "Why not add some intrigue to your life and have an affair?" Don suggested. "But what if my wife finds out?" "Heck, it's 2018, Alan. Go ahead and tell her about it". So Alan went home and said "Dear, our marriage seems to be stale. Do you think an affair will bring us closer together?" "Forget it!" said his wife. "I've tried that ten or twelve times already - it never works
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  14. #629
    Postaholic Krozair's Avatar
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    My neighbour. She's single. She's shapely. She's beautiful and she lives right across the street.
    I can see her place from my kitchen window. I watched as she got home from work this evening. I was surprised when she walked across the street, up my driveway and knocked on the door. I opened the door, she looked at me and said "I just got home, and I have this strong urge to have a good time, dance, get drunk, and have sex tonight. Are you doing anything?" I quickly replied "Nope, I'm free!" "Great" she said. "Can you watch my dog?"
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  15. #630
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    ... does this go here?


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