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Thread: Krozair's Krackup's

  1. #661
    Postaholic Krozair's Avatar
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    Tea is more dangerous than beer.
    Please avoid drinking tea. I discovered this last night. I had 14 beers till 3am at the pub while my wife was just drinking tea at home. You should have seen how violent and angry she was when i got home. I was peaceful, silent and headed to bed as she shouted at me, all night and into the next morning. Please ladies, if you can't handle your tea, don't drink it...
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  2. #662
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    Censorship
    Last edited by .:. The Moon .:.; 07-12-2018 at 13:18. Reason: Censorship

  3. #663
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    Krozairrrrr

  4. #664
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    Censorship
    Last edited by .:. The Moon .:.; 07-12-2018 at 14:56. Reason: Biased censorship

  5. #665
    Postaholic Krozair's Avatar
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    A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said "You should do it because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee". The husband said "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it because that is your job and I can just wait for my coffee". Wife replies "No, you should do it, and besides it's in the Bible that the man should do the coffee". Husband replies "I can't believe that, show me". So she fetched the Bible, opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says "HEBREWS".
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  6. #666
    Postaholic Krozair's Avatar
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    @ Juicey


    Mate - I hope you are well - drop me a FB message!!!!
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  7. #667
    Postaholic Krozair's Avatar
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    Police officer George and woman Police officer Mary and their police dog had been assigned to walk a beat.
    They had been out only a short time then Mary said "Damn, I was running late this morning I forgot to put on my panties! It is so uncomfortable. We have to go back to the station to get them".
    "We don't have to go back" George replied.
    "Just give the dog one sniff between your legs, and he'll go fetch them for you".
    Mary lifted her skirt for the dog. After ten seconds of sniffing, the dog took off toward the station house.
    Twenty minutes later they heard sirens. Suddenly the dog rounded the corner with a dozen police cars in pursuit... and the superintendent's balls in his mouth!"
    Last edited by Krozair; 14-12-2018 at 10:37.
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  8. #668
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    Last edited by .:. The Moon .:.; 07-12-2018 at 14:56. Reason: Biased censorship

  9. #669
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    Censorship.
    Last edited by .:. The Moon .:.; 07-12-2018 at 13:20. Reason: Biased censorship

  10. #670
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    If you're sure a joke was removed, posting it again is probably not the best idea

  11. #671
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  12. #672
    Postaholic Krozair's Avatar
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    Yesterday I went to the doctor for my annual physical. My blood pressure was high, my cholesterol was high, I'd gained some weight, and I didn't feel so hot. My doctor said eating right doesn't have to be complicated and it would solve my physical problems. He said just think in colours; Fill your plate with bright colours; greens, yellows, reds, etc. I went right home and ate an entire bowl of M&M's and sure enough, I felt better immediately. I never knew eating right could be so easy.
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  13. #673
    Postaholic Krozair's Avatar
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    At dinner, a little boy was forced to lead the family into prayer. Little Boy "But I don't know how to pray".
    Dad says "Just pray for your family members, friends and neighbours, the poor, etc".
    Little Boy says "Dear Lord, thank you for our visitors and their children, who finished all my cookies and ice cream. Bless them so they won't come again.
    Forgive our neighbour's son, who removed my sister's clothes and wrestled with her on her bed.
    This coming Christmas, please send clothes to all those poor naked ladies on my daddy's iPhone, and provide shelter for the homeless men who use mum's room when daddy is at work.
    Amen".
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  14. #674
    Postaholic Krozair's Avatar
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    To the person that stole my anti-depressants... I hope your happy now!
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  15. #675
    Postaholic Krozair's Avatar
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    And it came to pass that an angel came up to three newly-dead men and said "You are all to be allocated a method for transportation around heaven. You will be judged on your past deeds, and will have your transport chosen accordingly".
    The angel looked at the first guy, Dave, and said- "You, Dave, were a bad man in life. You cheated on your wife four times! For this, you will drive around Heaven in an old beat-up Dodge".
    The angel next looked at the second guy, Jon, and said "You were not as sinful, but you still cheated on your wife twice. For this, you will forever travel around heaven in a Toyota station wagon".
    The angel finally looked at our hero, Sam, and said "You, Sam, have set a fine example. You did not have sex until after marriage, and you never cheated on your wife. For this, you will forever travel through heaven in a Ferrari".
    A short time later, Jon and Dave pulled up in their cars next to Sam's Ferrari. There he is, sitting on the bonnet, his head in his hands, crying. "What's wrong, Sam?" they asked. "You got the Ferrari! You're set forever! Why so down?"
    Sam looked up, ever so slowly opened his mouth, and said "I just saw my wife go by on a skateboard".
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