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Thread: Krozair's Krackup's

  1. #676
    Postaholic Krozair's Avatar
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    A member of the Country Club asked the lifeguard how he might go about teaching a young lady to swim. "It takes considerable time and technique". replied the guard. "First you must take her into the water, then place one arm about her waist, hold her tightly, then take her right arm and raise it very slowly". "This is certainly most helpful" said the member. "I know that my sister will appreciate it". "Your sister?" said the lifeguard. "In that case, just push her into the deep end of the pool. She'll learn in a hurry".
    Dare to be different Learn to be lonely

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  2. #677
    Postaholic Krozair's Avatar
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    DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN
    ARGUMENT (ar*gyou*ment) n. A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realised it yet.
    AIRHEAD (er*hed) n. What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.
    BARBEQUE (bar*bi*q) n. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but, he "made the dinner".
    BLONDE JOKES (blond joks) n. Jokes that are short so men can understand them.
    CANTALOUPE (kant*e*lope) n. Gotta get married in a church.
    CLOTHES DRYER (kloze dri*yer) n. An appliance designed to eat socks.
    DIET SODA (dy*it so*da) n. A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half-pound bag of peanut M&Ms.
    ETERNITY (e*ter*ni*tee) n. The last two minutes of a football game.
    EXERCISE (ex*er*siz) v. To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.
    GROCERY LIST (grow*ser*ee list) n. What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.
    HAIR DRESSER (hare dres*er) n. Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again. See "Magician".
    HARDWARE STORE (hard*war stor) n. Similar to a black hole in space - if he goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon.
    CHILDBIRTH (child*brth) n. You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say "focus... breath... push..."
    LIPSTICK (lip*stik) n. On your lips, colouring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, colouring only a tramp would wear...!
    PARK (park) v./n. Before children, a verb meaning "to go somewhere and feel each other up". After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.
    PATIENCE (pa*shens) n. The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also "tranquilisers".
    WATERPROOF MASCARA (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n. Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.
    VALENTINE'S DAY (val*en*tinez dae) n. A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.
    Dare to be different Learn to be lonely

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  3. #678
    Postaholic Krozair's Avatar
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    An irate motorist went to his insurance company and demanded money because his car had been stolen. "But" explained the insurance agent "we do not give you money. We will replace the car with another". The man replied indignantly "Well, if that's the way you do business, you can just cancel the policy on my wife".
    Dare to be different Learn to be lonely

    ALL AUSSIE UTOPIA KINGDOM
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