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Thread: Krozair's Krackup's

  1. #826
    Postaholic Krozair's Avatar
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    I was reading an article last night about fathers and daughters and memories came flooding back of the time I took my daughter out for her first pint. Off we went to our local pub which is only two blocks from the house. I got her a Fosters. She didn't like it... so I had it. Then I got her a Bush Chook, she didn't like it... so I had it. It was the same with the Asahi and Peroni. By the time we got down to the Scotch I could hardly push the pram back home.
    Laughter IS the best medicine - always

  2. #827
    Postaholic Krozair's Avatar
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    A fisherman from the city was out fishing on a lake in a small boat. He noticed another man in a small boat open his tackle box and take out a mirror. Being curious, the man rowed over and asked "What is the mirror for?" "That's my secret way to catch fish" said the other man. "Shine the mirror on the top of the water. The fish notice the spot of sun on the water above and they swim to the surface. Then I just reach down and net them and pull them into the boat". "Wow! Does that really work?" "You bet it does". "Would you be interested in selling that mirror? I'll give you $30 for it". "Well, okay". After the money was transferred, the city fisherman asked "By the way, how many have you caught this week?" "You're the sixth" he said.
    --
    Laughter IS the best medicine - always

  3. #828
    Postaholic Krozair's Avatar
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    I was in the pub a few months ago when these four huge bastards started mouthing off. "Pretend we're the police" my mate said. I only got half way through the first verse of Roxanne before they kicked the crap out of us!
    Laughter IS the best medicine - always

  4. #829
    Postaholic Krozair's Avatar
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    At the golf club at the weekend there was an unfortunate accident. Two ladies were enjoying a quiet game and had just teed off when one of the ladies was hit in the head with a wayward golf ball, somewhere between the first and second tee. An ambulance was called and, when the paramedic eventually arrived, he asked what had happened. The story was related to him and he asked "Where was she hit?" "Between the first and second hole" came the answer. The paramedic replied "Well, it's not going to leave much room for a bandage!"
    Laughter IS the best medicine - always

  5. #830
    Postaholic Krozair's Avatar
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    Say what you will about Die Hard, but it has the best ending for a Christmas movie... Hans down.
    Laughter IS the best medicine - always

  6. #831
    Postaholic Krozair's Avatar
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    We've seen all the commercials. But what really happens when you ask for help with an erection lasting more than 4 hours? I walked into a chemist store and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. The woman I was speaking with said she was the only pharmacist and since she and her sister owned the store, there were no male employees.
    She asked if she could help me. I said that I really would have preferred to speak with a male pharmacist. She assured me that she was completely professional and whatever it was that I needed to discuss, I could be confident that she would treat me with a high level of professionalism.
    I reluctantly agreed and began by saying "This is tough for me to discuss, but here goes. I get erections every day that last more than four hours. This condition causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment. I was wondering what you could give me for it?"
    The pharmacist said "Just a minute, I'll talk to my sister".
    When she returned, she said "We discussed it at length and here's the absolute best we can do:
    -free room and board,
    - 1/3 ownership in the store,
    -a company pickup car,
    -a king size bed and,
    -$6,000 a month in living expenses".
    Laughter IS the best medicine - always

  7. #832
    Postaholic Krozair's Avatar
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    A preacher was making his rounds on a bicycle when he came upon a little boy trying to sell a lawn mower. "How much do you want for the mower?" asked the preacher. "I just want enough money to go out and buy me a bicycle" said the little boy.
    After a moment of consideration, the preacher asked "Will you take my bike in trade for it?" The little boy asked if he could try it out first, and, after riding the bike around a little while, said "Mister, you've got yourself a deal".
    The preacher took the mower and began to crank it. He pulled on the rope a few times with no response from the mower. The preacher called the little boy over and said "I can't get this mower to start". The little boy said "That's because you have to swear at it to get it started".
    The preacher said "I can't cuss. It's been so long since I became a Christian that I don't even remember how to swear". The little boy looked at him happily and said "You just keep pulling on that rope. It'll come back to ya!"
    Laughter IS the best medicine - always

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