Page 40 of 41 FirstFirst ... 3038394041 LastLast
Results 586 to 600 of 604

Thread: Krozair's Krackup's

  1. #586
    I like to post Landro's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Netherlands
    Posts
    3,583

  2. #587
    Veteran Krozair's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    Sydney
    Posts
    778
    Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them "I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhoea in the convent". "Thank God" said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of chardonnay".
    Dare to be different Learn to be lonely

    ALL AUSSIE UTOPIA KINGDOM
    http://forums.utopia-game.com/showth...ght=australian


    #AnzacPublic
    Speak to Krozair in IRC to find out more.

  3. #588
    Veteran Krozair's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    Sydney
    Posts
    778
    My wife came home with a vibrator, started waving it about and screamed". I don't need you now! I don't need you now!" Guess who had to put the batteries in.
    Dare to be different Learn to be lonely

    ALL AUSSIE UTOPIA KINGDOM
    http://forums.utopia-game.com/showth...ght=australian


    #AnzacPublic
    Speak to Krozair in IRC to find out more.

  4. #589
    Veteran Krozair's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    Sydney
    Posts
    778
    I'm so angry right now!!

    I had to leave the house pick up a few things. I run my errand and I get back to my house to find 3 police cars and 6 or 7 cops in my home. The front door had been knocked off the hinges, stuff everywhere, and apparently they were looking for something.

    So I'm stuck outside with this damn cop and they are inside searching through all my ****. They checked inside my closets under my mattress. They tore my things apart. So, as you can imagine, I'm getting upset, and I'm trying figure out what's going on.

    I asked if they had a search warrant, and if I could see it. The cop in my bedroom yells "Where did you hide it at? We know it's here! We are searching".

    Then I yell back "If I had an idea of what you're looking for sir, maybe I could help!" He shouts at me the "You wanna go to jail?" thing so I shut up and watch.

    Finally, one of the other police officers look down at his phone and he shouts "Guys Stop! Hold on. We're in the wrong house! The Pokémon is next door!"
    Dare to be different Learn to be lonely

    ALL AUSSIE UTOPIA KINGDOM
    http://forums.utopia-game.com/showth...ght=australian


    #AnzacPublic
    Speak to Krozair in IRC to find out more.

  5. #590
    Veteran Krozair's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    Sydney
    Posts
    778
    A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, 'Do you know me?' To which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my kids.' Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, 'Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery??'
    She looks into his eyes and says calmly, 'No, I'm your son's teacher.
    Dare to be different Learn to be lonely

    ALL AUSSIE UTOPIA KINGDOM
    http://forums.utopia-game.com/showth...ght=australian


    #AnzacPublic
    Speak to Krozair in IRC to find out more.

  6. #591
    A young boy asked his mother "Ma, is it true that people can be taken apart like machines?" "Of course not, where did you hear such nonsense?" replied his mother. The young boy answered "The other day, Daddy was talking to someone on the phone, and he said that he screwed the ass off his secretary".

  7. #592
    Veteran Krozair's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    Sydney
    Posts
    778
    A new hooker just finished her first trick. When she came back down to the street, the seasoned veterans all gathered around to hear the details.

    She said "Well, he was a big muscular, and handsome US Marine". "Well, what did he want to do?" they all asked. She replied "I told him that a straight lay was $100, but he said he didn't have that much so I told him that oral sex would be $75, but he didn't have that much either. Finally I said, well, how much do you have? The Marine said that he only had 25 bucks". The new hooker told him "Well, for $25 all I can do is service you by hand".

    He agreed, and after getting the finances straight, she told the other hookers "He pulled it out and I put one hand on it, and then the second hand above the first, and then the first hand above the second hand..."

    "Oh my God!" they all exclaimed "it must have been huge, Then what did you do?" "I loaned him $75!" she said.
    Dare to be different Learn to be lonely

    ALL AUSSIE UTOPIA KINGDOM
    http://forums.utopia-game.com/showth...ght=australian


    #AnzacPublic
    Speak to Krozair in IRC to find out more.

  8. #593
    Post Fiend Zombies are people too's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Posts
    245
    A couple were having a big argument at breakfast. "You aren't so good in bed either!" he shouted and stormed off to work. By midmorning, he decided he'd better make amends and phoned home. After many rings, his girlfriend picked up the phone. "What took you so long to answer?", he asked.

    "I was in bed."

    "What were you doing in bed this late?"

    "Getting a second opinion."

    -DM <3

  9. #594
    Veteran Krozair's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    Sydney
    Posts
    778
    One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice "Mummy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled. "I can't dear" she said. "I have to sleep in daddy's room". The little boy replied with a shaking voice "The big sissy".
    --
    Dare to be different Learn to be lonely

    ALL AUSSIE UTOPIA KINGDOM
    http://forums.utopia-game.com/showth...ght=australian


    #AnzacPublic
    Speak to Krozair in IRC to find out more.

  10. #595
    I like to post Landro's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Netherlands
    Posts
    3,583

  11. #596
    A young woman had entered her dog in the dog show in the smooth-haired breed category. To give it an advantage, she went to the chemist for some hair remover. The chemist gave her the product requested and advised "Just remember to keep your arms up for at least five minutes". "Errr... it's not for my armpits" she flustered, embarrassed "It's for my Chihuahua". "Oh well, in that case" said the chemist "don't ride a bike for twenty minutes".

  12. #597
    Veteran Krozair's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    Sydney
    Posts
    778
    A blonde went into a worldwide message centre to send a message to her mother overseas. When the man told her it would cost $300, she exclaimed "I don't have that kind of money!! But I would do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother in Poland!"
    The man arched an eyebrow. "Anything?" "Yes, anything!" the blonde promised.
    With that, the man told her to follow him. He walked into the next room and ordered "Come in and close the door".
    She did.
    He then said "Get on your knees".
    She did.
    Then he said "Take down my zipper".
    She did.
    He said "Go ahead... take it out".
    She took it out and grabbed hold of it with both hands. The man closed his eyes and whispered "Well... go ahead!" The blonde slowly brought her lips closer, and while holding it close to her lips she said loudly "HELLO? MUM? Can you hear me??"
    Dare to be different Learn to be lonely

    ALL AUSSIE UTOPIA KINGDOM
    http://forums.utopia-game.com/showth...ght=australian


    #AnzacPublic
    Speak to Krozair in IRC to find out more.

  13. #598
    I like to post Landro's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Netherlands
    Posts
    3,583

  14. #599
    I like to post Landro's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Netherlands
    Posts
    3,583

  15. #600
    I like to post Landro's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Netherlands
    Posts
    3,583

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •