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Thread: Krozair's Krackup's

  1. #706
    Postaholic Krozair's Avatar
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    A woman decided to have a face lift for her birthday.
    She spent $5000 and felt really good about the results.
    On her way home she stopped at a dress shop to look around.
    As she was leaving, she said to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"
    "About 35,"he replied.
    "I'm actually 47," the woman said, feeling really happy.
    After that she went into McDonald's for lunch and asked the order taker the same question.
    He replied, "Oh, you look about 29."
    "I am actually 47!" she said, feeling really good.
    While standing at the bus stop she asked an old man the same question.
    He replied, "I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a woman's age. If I put my hand up your skirt I will be able to tell your exact age."
    There was no one around, so the woman said, "What the hell?" and let him slip his hand up her skirt.
    After feeling around for a while, the old man said, "OK, You are 47."
    Stunned, the woman said, "That was brilliant! How did you do that?"
    The old man replied, "I was behind you in line at McDonald's."
    Laughter IS the best medicine - always

  2. #707
    Postaholic Krozair's Avatar
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    A man and a woman were going at it on the sofa when the phone rang. "Who was that?" the guy asked. "My husband" she replied. "Damn, I better get going then" the guy said. "Where was he when he phoned?" "You can relax" said the woman. "He's downtown playing poker with you".
    Laughter IS the best medicine - always

  3. #708
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    "I thought my new girlfriend might be the one" said Paddy to his mate Seamus. "But after looking through her knicker drawer and finding a nurse's outfit, a French maid's outfit, and a police woman's uniform, I finally decided: if she can't hold down a job, she's not for me".
    Laughter IS the best medicine - always

  4. #709
    Postaholic Krozair's Avatar
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    I couldn't help but overhear two guys in their mid-twenties while sitting at the bar last night. One of the guys says to his buddy: "Man you look tired". His buddy says "Man I'm exhausted. My girlfriend and I have sex all the time. She's after me 3 and 4 times a day, I just don't know what to do". A fellow about age 70, sitting a couple of stools down, also overheard the conversation. He looked over at the two young men and with the wisdom of years says: "Marry her. That'll put a stop to that sh*t".
    Laughter IS the best medicine - always

  5. #710
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    When I woke this morning, my wife was standing in the kitchen looking sexy in her nightie, and preparing my usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast. As I walked in she turned to me and said "You've got to make love to me this very moment!" We went at it, there and then on the kitchen table. Afterwards she said "Thanks" pulled down her nightie and returned to the stove. "How come you're so horny this morning" I said. "I'm not" she replied "The egg timer's broken".
    Laughter IS the best medicine - always

  6. #711
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    Dave was staring sadly into his beer and sighed heavily. "What's up Dave?" asked the bartender. "It's not like you to be so down in the mouth". "It's my five-year-old son, Little Johnny" the man replied. "Don't tell me, he's in trouble for fighting in school? My boy's just the same. Forget about it; it happens to boys that age" said the bartender, sympathetically. "I only wish it was that" answered Dave "but it's much worse. "He got our 16-year-old baby sitter pregnant". "That's impossible!" gasped the bartender. "No, it's not". Said Dave. "The little **** stuck a pin in all my condoms"
    Laughter IS the best medicine - always

  7. #712
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    One night a man walks into a bar looking sad. The bartender asks the man what he wants. The man says "Oh just a beer". The bartender asked the man "What's wrong, why are you so down today?". The man says "My wife and I got into a fight, and she said she wouldn't talk to me for a month". The bartender says "So, you are sad because you will miss having her to talk to?" The man said "No - I'm sad because the month is up tonight".
    Laughter IS the best medicine - always

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