Page 41 of 42 FirstFirst ... 3139404142 LastLast
Results 601 to 615 of 618

Thread: Krozair's Krackup's

  1. #601
    Veteran Krozair's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    Sydney
    Posts
    784
    A farmer drove to a neighbours' farmhouse and knocked at the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door. "Is your dad or your mum home?" said the farmer. "No, they went to town". "How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?" "No, he went with mum and dad". "The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself". "I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one or I can give dad a message...?" "Well" said the farmer uncomfortably "I really wanted to talk to your dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter Susie pregnant". The boy thought for a moment... "You would have to talk to dad about that. I know he charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the pig but I don't know how much he charges for Howard".
    Dare to be different Learn to be lonely

    ALL AUSSIE UTOPIA KINGDOM
    http://forums.utopia-game.com/showth...ght=australian


    #AnzacPublic
    Speak to Krozair in IRC to find out more.

  2. #602
    Veteran Krozair's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    Sydney
    Posts
    784
    While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice. "What do you think?" I asked. "Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?" "Better get a bikini" he replied. "You'd never get it all in one". He's still in intensive care.
    Dare to be different Learn to be lonely

    ALL AUSSIE UTOPIA KINGDOM
    http://forums.utopia-game.com/showth...ght=australian


    #AnzacPublic
    Speak to Krozair in IRC to find out more.

  3. #603
    I like to post Landro's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Netherlands
    Posts
    3,595

  4. #604
    I like to post
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Location
    Utopia
    Posts
    3,932
    Just wanna say: Keep up the good work Krozair. I don't read this every day, but try to pop in every now and then :)

  5. #605
    I like to post Landro's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Netherlands
    Posts
    3,595
    Remember when Robocop shot a rapist in the dick? Well they made a parody remake of that scene

    It's hilarious but also NSFW so click at your own risk

  6. #606
    Veteran Krozair's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    Sydney
    Posts
    784
    The shipwrecked mariner had spent several years on a deserted island. Then one morning he was thrilled to see a ship offshore and a smaller vessel pulling out toward him. When the boat grounded on the beach, the officer in charge handed the marooned sailor a bundle of newspapers and told him "The captain said to read through these and let us know if you still want to be rescued".
    Dare to be different Learn to be lonely

    ALL AUSSIE UTOPIA KINGDOM
    http://forums.utopia-game.com/showth...ght=australian


    #AnzacPublic
    Speak to Krozair in IRC to find out more.

  7. #607
    I looked between the attendant and the approaching man, and slowly asked "So...are you..just going to let him drive like that?"

  8. #608
    I like to post Landro's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Netherlands
    Posts
    3,595

  9. #609
    Veteran Krozair's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    Sydney
    Posts
    784
    At an auction, a wealthy American announced that he had lost his wallet containing $10,000 and would give a reward of $100 to the person who found it. From the back of the hall a voice shouted "I'll give $150!"
    Dare to be different Learn to be lonely

    ALL AUSSIE UTOPIA KINGDOM
    http://forums.utopia-game.com/showth...ght=australian


    #AnzacPublic
    Speak to Krozair in IRC to find out more.

  10. #610
    I like to post Landro's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Netherlands
    Posts
    3,595
    Q: Why is he juggling chain saws?
    A: because he doesn't have any balls



    Genders are like the Twin Towers; there used to be 2 of them but now it's a very sensitive subject and some people just won't shut up about it.

  11. #611
    Moderator for:
    Utopia Forums
    Palem's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Posts
    21,830
    Guy walks into a bar and orders a rum and coke. The bartender tells him he can either make him the drink or he can give him an apple that tastes just like that. Curious, the guy asks for the apple and to his amazement when he takes a bite, it takes like Coke.

    The bartender says, "Now turn it around" and sure enough the other side tasted like rum. Needless to say the customer was floored and as he was enjoying his apple another customer walks up and orders a gin and tonic. The first customer tells him he can give him an apple that tastes just like that and he holds up his apple as proof that he's not just messing with him. So the 2nd customer says he'd like a gin and tonic apple. The bartender reaches behind the counter and gives the 2nd customer his apple. He takes a bite and sure enough the apple tasted like gin.

    "Now turn it around" the first customer says, so the 2nd customer turns it around and the other side tastes like tonic. Both customers sit there marvelled by these apples and talking about them when a third customer comes up to the bar.

    "Hey man, this guy has an apple that tastes like anything you can think of! It's amazing! You gotta try it." The two customers tell him. To which the third customer, with a devious smirk replies

    "Anything? You got an apple that tastes like p*ssy?" And before he can feel too proud of himself for outwitting the bartender, the bartender reaches under the bar and hands him an apple. The 3rd customer hesitates at first, but bites into the apple. He immediately spits it out and yells "Wtf! This tastes like sh*t!" To which the bartender says

    "You gotta turn it around"

  12. #612
    Veteran Krozair's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    Sydney
    Posts
    784
    An American stood in London looking at a large building. A British boy walked by and stood beside the American. "You know, boy" said the American "in the 'States we have that kind of building, too, but they are four times higher". "Really?" replied the boy. "How sad. That is a mental hospital".
    --
    Dare to be different Learn to be lonely

    ALL AUSSIE UTOPIA KINGDOM
    http://forums.utopia-game.com/showth...ght=australian


    #AnzacPublic
    Speak to Krozair in IRC to find out more.

  13. #613
    Veteran Krozair's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    Sydney
    Posts
    784
    On the first day at the new senior's complex, the manager addressed all the new seniors pointing out some of the rules: "The female sleeping quarters will be out-of-bounds for all males, and the male dormitory to the females. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time". He continued "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?" At this point, an older gentleman stood up in the crowd inquired...
    "How much for a season pass?"
    Dare to be different Learn to be lonely

    ALL AUSSIE UTOPIA KINGDOM
    http://forums.utopia-game.com/showth...ght=australian


    #AnzacPublic
    Speak to Krozair in IRC to find out more.

  14. #614
    Enthusiast Zombies are people too's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Posts
    397
    Peace Officer: Sorry to bother you miss, but it look's like your boyfriend got run over by a truck.
    Girl: I know, but he has a great personality lol.
    Peace Officer: What?
    Girl: What?

    -DM<3

  15. #615
    I like to post Landro's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Netherlands
    Posts
    3,595

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •