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Thread: Krozair's Krackup's

  1. #766
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    Well done Krozair, Hope you are doing well!

  2. #767
    Postaholic Krozair's Avatar
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    Some Xmas one liners :) Merry Christmas all


    How did the ornament get addicted to Christmas?
    He was hooked on trees his whole life

    What do you call a kid who doesnít believe in Santa?
    A rebel without a Claus

    Why did Frosty ask for a divorce?
    His wife was a total flake

    How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?
    Nothing. It was on the house!

    What do you call an elf wearing ear muffs?
    Anything you want. He canít hear you!

    What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
    Frostbite

    What did Adam say to his wife on Christmas?
    Itís finally Christmas, Eve!
    Laughter IS the best medicine - always

  3. #768
    Postaholic Krozair's Avatar
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    Husband calls his wife: "Honey it's me. I don't want to alarm you but I was hit by a car as I was leaving the office. Susan brought me to the hospital. They have checked me over and have done some tests and some x-rays. The blow to my head was severe. Fortunately, it did not cause any serious internal injury. However, I have three broken ribs, a compound fracture in the left leg, and they think they may have to amputate my right foot". Wife's Response: "Who the hell is Susan?" And if you find that hard to believe, you've never been married.
    Laughter IS the best medicine - always

  4. #769
    Postaholic Krozair's Avatar
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    Anybody interested in a free ride in a helicopter, flight for 4 people?! I'm still looking for 2 more people to join us. We leave early Saturday morning and will fly to a secluded bay down south where we will have breakfast and then on a yacht for lunch. Then we'll do some island hopping before flying back home. Promises to be an amazing experience. If interested please let me know. Preferably someone with a helicopter and yacht, otherwise we can't go...
    Laughter IS the best medicine - always

  5. #770
    Postaholic Krozair's Avatar
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    A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do? His mother had an idea "Why don't you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your place for a home-cooked meal?" He thought this was a great strategy and arranged a date for a week later. His mother called the day after the big date to see how things had gone. "The evening was a disaster" he moaned. "Why, didn't she come over?" asked his mother. "Oh, she came over, but she refused to cook..."
    Laughter IS the best medicine - always

  6. #771
    Postaholic Krozair's Avatar
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    Just arrived home early from work and saw some thieving bastard that had been trying to break in to my house. He managed to escape by hopping over the fence. I'm proud of the wife though - she must have put up some fight cos she's half naked, covered in sweat and can hardly walk!
    Laughter IS the best medicine - always

  7. #772
    Postaholic Krozair's Avatar
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    The missus said "Looking at the state of that garden is hurting my eyes. Will you do something about it?" "As you wish, babe" I replied, then got up, closed the curtains and sat back down again.
    --
    Laughter IS the best medicine - always

  8. #773
    Postaholic Krozair's Avatar
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    Three boys are playing outside just after dark, when one of them noticed a light on in a window. Billy says to Johnnie and Joey: "Let's take a peek!" They look in the window and see a pretty woman undressing. Suddenly, Johnnie runs away and the other boys can't find him. The next day, Billy and Joey see Johnnie and ask: "Why'd you run away, you some kind of ****** or something?" Johnnie replies: "No, my mother told me that if I ever do anything naughty, say anything naughty or even LOOK at anything naughty, God would turn me into stone. Well, when I looked in that window, part of my body start turning to stone, so I ran away!"
    Laughter IS the best medicine - always

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