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Thread: Krozair's Krackup's

  1. #196
    I like to post Landro's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Krozair View Post
    I gather someone didn't like the earlier one I posted...oh well..."
    Don't worry. I liked the joke but decided to add an additional punchline :)
    This is my province. There are many like it, but this one is mine.
    My province is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life.
    My province, without me, is useless. Without my province, I am useless.
    I must attack hard with my province. I must attack harder than my enemy who is trying to pk me. I must pk him before he pk's me. I will...

  2. #197
    Mediator goodz's Avatar
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    more roozed! Some riddles too would be okay. This thread entertains me during the mindless dribble of life.
    My life is better then yours.

  3. #198
    Post Fiend itchm's Avatar
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    You want a riddle?

    You have 2 pieces of string. Each piece of string takes exactly 1 hour to burn from end to end. The catch, however, is that the string burns at an uneven speed and each one is unique. Thus cutting the string in half is not guaranteed to produce 2 pieces of string that each burn for 30 minutes.

    Knowing all of this, how can you use these 2 pieces of string (and some unlimited source of fire) to measure a 45 minute time period?

    Please show a little etiquette and hide your answers with show text buttons
    Disclaimer
    Take everything I post with a grain a salt. It tastes better that way.

  4. #199
    I like to post Landro's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by itchm View Post
    You want a riddle?

    You have 2 pieces of string. Each piece of string takes exactly 1 hour to burn from end to end. The catch, however, is that the string burns at an uneven speed and each one is unique. Thus cutting the string in half is not guaranteed to produce 2 pieces of string that each burn for 30 minutes.

    Knowing all of this, how can you use these 2 pieces of string (and some unlimited source of fire) to measure a 45 minute time period?

    Please show a little etiquette and hide your answers with show text buttons
    easy
    This is my province. There are many like it, but this one is mine.
    My province is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life.
    My province, without me, is useless. Without my province, I am useless.
    I must attack hard with my province. I must attack harder than my enemy who is trying to pk me. I must pk him before he pk's me. I will...

  5. #200
    I like to post Landro's Avatar
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    There are 3 kinds of people:
    - People who make things happen
    - People who watch things happen
    - and people who wonder what the *bleep* just happened!
    This is my province. There are many like it, but this one is mine.
    My province is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life.
    My province, without me, is useless. Without my province, I am useless.
    I must attack hard with my province. I must attack harder than my enemy who is trying to pk me. I must pk him before he pk's me. I will...

  6. #201
    I like to post Landro's Avatar
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    Let's have some Irish jokes for our devs

    How does every Irish joke start?


    What's the main difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?


    Why did St. Patrick drive the snakes out of Ireland?


    Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day?


    What does Ireland have more of than any other country?


    What do you get if you cross poison ivy with a four-leaf clover??


    Why don't you iron 4-Leaf clovers?


    Why did the leprechaun stand on the potato?


    Why do leprechauns giggle when they play soccer?


    An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?" "Just water," says the priest. The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?" The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"

  7. #202
    Regular Grunkz's Avatar
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    IF you find gold in a gold mine and copper in a copper mine, where do you find silver?

    Under the lone rangers arse.

  8. #203
    Mediator goodz's Avatar
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    How do you make a hankie dance?


    Put a little boogie in it
    My life is better then yours.

  9. #204
    Forum Addict Krozair's Avatar
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    Rosey posing thoughtfully in the mirror says to Paula "I think I'm going to see a dietician". Paula asked "Why?" Rosey answered "'Cause I need to know once and for all, how many calories are in sperm!" Thinking a minute, Paula said "I really have no clue, but if you are consuming that much of it, no guy is going to care if you are a little chunky!"
    Laughter IS the best medicine - always

  10. #205
    Forum Addict Krozair's Avatar
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    A man went to the doctor's office to ask for a triple dose of Viagra. The doctor told him that he couldn't allow him a triple dose. "Why not?" asked the man. "Because it's not safe" replied the doctor. "But I need it really bad" said the man. "Well, why do you need it so badly?" asked the doctor. The man said, "My girlfriend is coming into town on Friday, my ex-wife will be here on Saturday and my wife is coming home on Sunday. Can't you see? I've got to have a triple dose!?"

    The doctor finally relented saying "All right, I'll give it to you, but you have to come in Monday morning so that I can check you to see if there are any side effects".

    On Monday afternoon the man dragged himself into the doctor's office... his right arm in a sling.

    The doctor asked "Good god! What happened to you?" The man said "No one showed up"...
    Laughter IS the best medicine - always

  11. #206
    Forum Addict Krozair's Avatar
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    Three English men were in a bar and spotted an Irishman. One guy said he was going to piss him off. He walked over to the Irishman and tapped him on the shoulder. "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was a ******". "Oh really, hmm, didn't know that".

    Puzzled, the Englishman walked back to his buddies. "I told him St. Patrick was a ****** and he didn't care!" "You just don't know how to set him off, watch and learn!"

    The second English-man walked over and tapped the Irish man on the shoulder. "I hear your St. Patrick was a transvestite ******!" "Oh, wow, I didn't know that, thank you".

    Shocked beyond belief, the Englishman went back to his buddies. "You're right... that bastard is unshakable!" The third Englishman said "No, no, no, I will really piss him off, you just watch".

    The Englishman walked over to the Irish man, tapped him on the shoulder and said "I hear your St. Patrick was an Englishman!" "Yeah, that's what your mates were trying to tell me!" says the Irishman.
    Laughter IS the best medicine - always

  12. #207
    Forum Addict Krozair's Avatar
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    A 2nd grade teacher decides to teach sex ed. to her class. She starts out by drawing a penis on the chalk board and asks the class, "Does anyone know what this is?"

    And little Johnny says, "Yes, my dad has 2 of them!"

    And the teacher says, "Are you sure about that?"

    And little Johnny says, "Yes, he uses a small skinny one to go to the bathroom, and a big long one to brush the babysitter's teeth."
    Laughter IS the best medicine - always

  13. #208
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    Quote Originally Posted by Krozair View Post
    A 2nd grade teacher decides to teach sex ed. to her class. She starts out by drawing a penis on the chalk board and asks the class, "Does anyone know what this is?"

    And little Johnny says, "Yes, my dad has 2 of them!"

    And the teacher says, "Are you sure about that?"

    And little Johnny says, "Yes, he uses a small skinny one to go to the bathroom, and a big long one to brush the babysitter's teeth."
    lmao

  14. #209
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    What is the hardest part about learning how to roller skate?






    Telling your father you've come out of the closet.

  15. #210
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    My elderly grandfather recently had to attend an Emergency Evacuation training course in his retirement home.

    Unfortunately he failed the course - when asked "what steps would you take in the event of a fire ?"




    apparently, "****ing big ones" was not the answer they wanted.

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