Krozair's Krackup's

[hllwrld]

...

[Krozair]

Text from daughter to mum: "Hello mum need some advice. I have some of my boyfriends cum in my hair, how do I get it out, will I have to cut it out?" Mum replies: "Hi, it's nice you can send me such a frank text without feeling embarrassed, no you won't have to cut it out, I've had loads of cum in my hair over the years, it'll just wash out. Reply text from daughter: "Oh my god, I meant to spell GUM!"

[freemehul]

Q: How do you know if you're being followed by the NSA in World of Warcraft?

A: click here

[freemehul]

Q: Why is it a bad idea for Le Drian to mock his German colleague Von Der Leyen, because's she a woman?

A: Because when she chases him with a rolling pin, Le Drian will only end up saying "Je me rends".

[The Moon]

Why are cats all lesbians?













Because they're pussies! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA (it sort of makes sense)

[RedMist]

A man in a Florida supermarket tries to buy half a head of lettuce. The very young produce assistant tells him that they sell only whole heads of lettuce. But the man persists and asks to see the manager. The boy says he'll ask his manager about it.

Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, “Some asshole wants to buy half a head of lettuce.” Just as he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, So he added, “And this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half.” The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way.

Later the manager said to the boy, “I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?”

“Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, sir,” the boy replied.

“Well, why did you leave Pittsburgh ?” the manager asked.

The boy said, “Sir, there's nothing but whores and football players up there.”

“Really,” said the manager. “My wife is from Pittsburgh .”

“No ****,” replied the boy. “What position did she play?”

[Krozair]

Paddy says to Mick "Christmas is on Friday this year". Mick said "Let's hope it's not the 13th then".
--
This year, I hosted Christmas Dinner for family, far and wide, and everyone was encouraged to bring all the children and grandchildren as well. During dinner, my four-year-old granddaughter stared at me sitting across from her. The girl could hardly eat her food for staring. I checked my shirt for spots, felt my face for food, patted my hair in place but nothing stopped her from staring at me. I tried my best to just ignore her but finally it was too much for me. I finally asked her "Why are you staring at me?" Everyone at the table had noticed her behaviour and the table went quiet waiting for her response. My little granddaughter said "I'm just waiting to see how you drink like a fish".
--
Christmas is like any other day for me, sitting at the table with a big fat bird who doesn't gobble any more.
--
A little girl goes to see Santa Claus at the local shopping mall. When she arrives and sits down on Santa's lap Santa asks "What do you want for Christmas little girl?" "I want a Barbie and a GI Joe" says the little girl. "But Barbie comes with Ken" Santa says. "No... Barbie cums with GI Joe! She only fakes it with Ken..."

--
The four stages of life: 1) You believe in Santa Claus; 2) You don't believe in Santa Claus; 3) You are Santa Claus; 4) You look like Santa Claus.
--
The kids today don't know they're born. Not like us when we were young. We were so poor in our house that on Christmas morning, if you didn't wake up with an erection, you had bugger all to play with!

[Krozair]

One Monday morning a mailman is walking the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars were in the driveway. His wonder was cut short by Bob, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles. "Wow Bob, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night." the mailman comments.

Bob in obvious pain replies, "Actually we had it Saturday night. This is the first I have felt like moving since 4:00 am Sunday morning. We had about fifteen couples from around the neighborhood over for Christmas Cheer and it got a bit wild. Hell, we got so drunk around midnight that we started playing WHO AM I."

The mailman thinks a moment and says, "How do you play that?"

Well all the guys go in the bedroom and we come out one at a time with a sheet covering us and only our "privates" showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is."

The mailman laughs and says, "Damn, I'm sorry I missed that."

Probably a good thing you did," Bob responds. "Your name came up four or five times."

[Krozair]

MERRY CHRISTMAS ONE AND ALL



Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat
The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat
The doors were all bolted, and the phone off the hook
It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.
Momma in her teddy, and I in the nude
Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube
When out on the lawn there arose such a cry,
That I lost my boner and poor momma went dry.
Up to the window I sprang like an elf,
Tore back the shade while she played with herself.
The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built,
Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer.
With a fat little driver, half out of his sled,
A sock in his ear, and a bra on his head.
Sure as I'm speaking, he was as high as a kite.
And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right.
Whoa ****head, whoa Asshole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz,
Either slow down this rig or I'll cut off your nuts.
Look out for the lamp post, and don't hit the tree,
Quit shaking the sleigh, 'cause I gotta go pee.
They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub,
Just as Santa leaned out and threw up on my shrub.
And then from the roof we heard such a clatter,
As each little reindeer now emptied his bladder.

I was donning my jacket to cover my ass,
When down the chimney Santa came with a crash.
His suit was all smelly with perfume galore,
He looked like a bum and he smelled like a whore.
"That was some brothel," he said with a smile,
"The reindeer are pooped, and I'll just stay here awhile.

He walked to the kitchen, himself poured a drink,
Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink.
I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee,
The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee.
Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack,
But his toys were all gone, and some new things were
packed.
The first thing he found was a pair of false tits,
The next was a handgun with a penis that spits.
A box filled with condoms was Santa's next find,
And a six pair of panties, the edible kind.
A bra without nipples, a penis extension,
And several other things that I shouldn't even mention.
A cock ring, a G-string, and all types of oil,
A dildo so long, it lay in a coil.
"This stuff ain't for kids, Mrs. Santa will ****,
So I'll leave 'em here, and then I'll just split."
He filled every stocking and then took his leave,
With one tiny butt plug tucked under his sleeve.
He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead,
Thus he fell on his ass and broke wind instead.
In time he was seated, took the reins of his hitch,
Saying, "Take me home Rudolph, this night's been a *****!"
The sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout,
"The best thing about sex is that it never wears out!"



Why doesn’t Santa have any children ?
Because he only comes once a year, and when he does, it’s down the chimney
.

Why is Christmas just like a day at the office ?
You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.


What’s the difference between snowmen and snowladies ?
Snowballs.


Why did the snowman have a smile on his face ?
Because the snowblower was coming down the block.


What’s easier to make: a snowman or a snowwoman??
A snowwoman is easier to make, ’cause with a snowman you have to hollow out the head and pack all that extra snow into balls to make its testicles!!


On the first Xmas, the first of three Wise Men stepped carefully into the stable but sank his golden slipper into a big pile of manure.”Jesus Christ!” he yelled.The woman beside the manger turned to her husband and said, “Now, Joseph, isn’t that a better name for the kid than Irving?”


Why is Santa Claus always so happy?
Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.


What do the female reindeer do when Santa takes the male reindeer out on Christmas Eve ?
They go into town, and blow a few bucks.


What do angry mice send to each other at Christmas?
Cross mouse cards!


What does Father Christmas write on his Christmas cards?
A – ABCDEFGHIJKMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ (No-L!!)!


Where do mistletoe go to become famous?
“Holly” wood!


Why are women’s breasts like a train set a kid gets at Christmas time ?
Because they were originally made for children but the father wants to play with them.


How are a Christmas tree and a priest alike ?
They both have ornamental balls.

Q: Why does Santa come down the chimney?
A: Because his pants are tight and he wriggles a lot.


What did the reindeer say before launching into his comedy routine?
This will sleigh you


The Santa Claus at the shopping mall was very surprised when a Emily, young lady aged about 20 years old walked up and sat on his lap. Now, we all know that Santa doesn't usually take requests from adults, but she smiled very nicely at him, so he asked her, 'What do you want for Christmas?'
'Something for my mother, please,' replied Emily sweetly.
'Something for your mother? Well, that's very loving and thoughtful of you,' smiled Santa. 'What do would you like me to bring her?'
Without turning a hair Emily answered quickly, 'A son-in-law.'


How do you know Santa Claus has to be a man?
No woman is going to wear the same outfit year after year


10 Reasons Why a Woman WOULD LIKE to Be Santa Claus

There'd be no more early morning decisions about what to wear to the office.
No one would bother to ask Santa Claus for a ride to work.
Buy one big brown belt and you'd be accessorized for life.
You'd always work in sensible footwear.
You'd never be expected to make the coffee.
There'd be no need to play office politics; a hearty ho-ho-ho would remind everyone who is the boss.
Juggling work and family would be easy. All your children would adore you; even your teenagers would want to sit in your lap.
You'd never take the wrong coat on your way home.
You could grow a tummy the size of Texas and consider it a job requirement of a funny Santa Claus.
No one would ask to see your job description.



A multi-national company held a reception to celebrate Christmas. The waiter gave each guest a glass of champagne, but on inspection, each guest noticed that their glass contained a fly.

The Swede asked for new champagne in the same glass.
The Englishman demanded to have new champagne in a new glass.Funniest Christmas Jokes
The Finn picked out the fly out and drank the champagne.
The Russian drank the champagne, fly and all.
The Chinese ate the fly but left the champagne.
The Israeli caught the fly and sold it to the Chinese.
The Italian drank two thirds of the champagne and then demanded to have a new glass.
The Norwegian took the fly and went off to fish.
The Irishman ground the fly and mixed it in the champagne, which he then donated to the Englishman
The American sued the restaurant and claimed $50 million in compensation.
The Scotsman grabbed the fly by the throat and shouted, 'Now spit out all that you swallowed.'



Jennifer was a pretty 18 year old girl. In the week before Christmas she sauntered up to the curtain counter, and was trying to decide which of the many types of tinsel she would buy. Finally, she made her choice and asked the spotty youth who was manning the fabric section. 'How much is this gold tinsel garland'.
The spotty youth pointed to the Christmas mistletoe above the counter and said, 'This week we have a special offer, just one kiss per metre'.
'Wow, that's great', said Jennifer, 'I'll take 12 metres'.
With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the boy measured out the tinsel, wrapped up the garland, and gave it to Jennifer.
She then called to an old woman who had been browsing through the Christmas trees and said, 'My Grandma will settle the bill.'


It was Christmas Eve in at the meat counter and a woman was anxiously picking over the last few remaining turkeys in the hope of finding a large one.
In desperation she called over a shop assistant and said, 'Excuse me. Do these turkeys get any bigger?'
'No, madam, 'he replied, 'they're all dead.


Q - What do you call a letter sent up the chimney on Christmas Eve?
A - Black mail!

Q - Who delievers cat's Christmas presents?
A - Santa Paws!

Q - Why does Father Christmas go down the chimney?
A - Because it soots him!


A good article on Santa here: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/topics/ch...-presents.html



Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
Because he had low elf esteem.



How come you never hear anything about the 10th reindeer "Olive"?
Olive?
Yeah, you know, "Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh
and call him names"


If Santa was a serial killer, what would you find in your stocking?
Your foot.


What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Claustrophobic.



Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
So he can ho-ho-ho.


Barbie's Letter to Santa

Barbie
c/o Mattel, Inc.
El Segundo, CA 90245

Santa Claus
North Pole, North Pole
December 23, 1996

Dear Santa:

Listen you fat little troll, I've been helping you out every year,
playing at being the perfect Christmas Present, wearing skimpy bathing
suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from one too many
tea parties, and I hate to break it to ya Santa, but IT'S DEFINITELY
PAYBACK TIME!
There had better be some changes around here this Christmas, or I'm
gonna call for a nationwide meltdown (and trust me, you won't wanna be
around to smell it).
So, here's my holiday wish list for 1997, Santa:
1. A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized sweatshirt.
I'm sick of looking like a hooker. How much smaller are these bathing
suits gonna get? Do you have any idea what it feels like to have nylon
and velcro crawling up your butt?
2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. Preferably white. What
bonehead at Mattel decided to cheap out and MOLD imitation underwear to
my skin?!? It looks like cellulite!
3. A REAL man...maybe GI Joe. Hell, I'd take Tickle-Me Elmo over that
wimped-out excuse for a boytoy Ken. And what's with that earring anyway?
If I'm gonna have to suffer with him, at least make him (and me)
anatomically correct.
4. Arms that actually bend so I can push the aforementioned Ken-wimp
away once he is anatomically correct.
5. Breast reduction surgery. I don't care whose arm you have to twist,
just get it done.
6. A jogbra. To wear until I get the surgery.
7. A new career. Pet doctor and school teacher just don't cut it.
How about a systems analyst? Or better yet, a public relations senior
account exec!
8. A new, more 90s persona. Maybe "PMS Barbie", complete with a
miniature container of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and a bag
of chips; "Animal Rights Barbie", with my very own paint gun, outfitted
with a fake fur coat, bottle of spray on blood and handcuffs; or "Stop
Smoking Barbie," sporting a removable Nicotrol patch and equipped with
several packs of gum.
9. No more McDonald's endorsements. The grease is wrecking my vinyl.
10. Mattel stock options. It's been 37 years--I think I deserve it.
Ok, Santa, that's it. Considering my valuable contribution to society,
I don't think these requests are out of line. If you disagree, then you
can find yourself a new ***** for next Christmas. It's that simple.

Yours truly,
Barbie



KEN'S Letter To Santa:

Dear Santa,
I understand that one of my colleagues has petitioned you for changes
in her contract, specifically asking for anatomical and career changes.
In addition, it is my understanding that disparaging remarks were made
about me, my ability to please, and some of my fashion choices.
I would like to take this opportunity to inform you of some of issues
concerning Ms. Barbie, and some of my own needs and desires.
First of all, I along with several other colleagues feel Barbie DOES
NOT deserve preferential treatment - the ***** has everything. I, along
with Joe, Jem, Raggedy Ann & Andy, DO NOT have a dream house, Corvette,
evening gowns, and in some cases the ability to change our hairstyle.
I personally have only 3 outfits which I am forced to mix and match at
great length. My decision to accessorize my outfits with an earring was
my decision and reflects my lifestyle choice. I, too, would like a
change in my career. Have you ever considered "Decorator Ken", "Beauty
Salon Ken", or "Out Of Work Actor Ken"? In addition, there are several
other avenues which could be considered such as: "S&M Ken", "Green
Lantern Ken", "Circuit Ken", "Bear Ken", "Master Ken". These would more
accurately reflect my desires and perhaps open up new markets.
And as for Barbie needing bendable arms so she can "push me away," I
need bendable knees so I can kick the ***** to the curb. Bendable knees
would also be helpful for me in other situations - we've talked about
this issue before.
In closing, I would like to point out that any further concessions to
the blond bimbo from hell will result in action be taken by myself and
others. And Barbie can forget about having GI Joe - he's mine, at least
that's what he said last night!

Sincerely,
Ken





With the number of airline disasters lately, the FAA now sends an
inspector to the North Pole to check out Santa Claus's sleigh before
allowing him to fly on Christmas eve.
The inspector arrives and checks the reindeer and they look good,
he checks the harness and it looks okay, he checks the sleigh and it
is also okay. Then he says, "Santa, lets take it up for a check ride
and if everything looks good I'll certify you to fly."
Santa hitches the reindeer up and taxis onto the runway and just as
he's starting his takeoff roll he looks over and notices the inspector
has a pump shotgun on his lap.
"Hey! Whats the shotgun for!?" Santa yells.
The inspector says, "Well, Santa, I'm really not supposed to tell
you this, but there is going to be an engine failure on takeoff."




IS THERE A SANTA CLAUS?

As a result of an overwhelming lack of requests and with research help from that renown scientific journal SPY magazine (January, 1990) I am pleased to present the annual scientific inquiry into Santa
Claus.

1) No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying
reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.

2) There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, it reduces the workload to 15% of the total -
378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household that's 91.8 million homes, presuming there's at least one good child in each.

3) Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seemes logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say for each Christian household with good children Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about 78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc.

This means Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run tops, 15 miles per hour.

4) The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element.Assuming each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons not counting Santa,
who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal anount we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth ocean liner (Not the monarch).


5) 353,000 tons travelling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecrafts re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of
reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy per second, each. In short they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

In conclusion - If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now.

[The Moon]

Why are cats all lesbians?













Because they're pussies! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA (it sort of makes sense)

My joke is the best.

[Krozair]

DIARY OF AN AUSSIE RECENTLY MOVED TO THE US

DECEMBER 8
It's started to snow. The first of the season, and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat by the window watching the soft flakes drift down all over the area. It was BEAUTIFUL!

DECEMBER 9
We awoke to a big beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape. What a fantastic sight. Every tree and shrub covered with a beautiful white mantle. I shovelled snow for the first time in years and loved it. I did both our driveway and our sidewalk, and the neighbour's walk. Later the snowplough came along and covered up our walks with compacted snow from the street so I shovelled them again.

DECEMBER 12
The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Oh well, I'm sure we will get some more before the lovely winter is through.

DECEMBER 14
It snowed 8 inches last night and the temperature dropped to 20 degrees below zero. Shovelled the driveway and the sidewalk again and the snowplough came by and did its trick again.

DECEMBER 15
Sold my van and bought a 4 x 4 blazer so I can drive in the snow. Bought snow tires for wife's car.

DECEMBER 16
Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway. All that was hurt was my feelings.

DECEMBER 17
Still cold (below zero in the a.m.) and icy roads make for very tough driving.

DECEMBER 20
Had another 14 inches of the white stuff last night. More shovelling in store for me today. The goddam snowplough came by twice.

DECEMBER 22
We are assured of a white Christmas because 13 inches of the white **** fell today, and with this freezing weather it won't melt till August. Got all dressed up to go out and shovel (boots, jump suit, heavy jacket, scarf, earmuffs, gloves, etc.) and then I got the urge to pee.

DECEMBER 23
I was going to go ice fishing today but my worms froze and I didn't want the fish to break their teeth on my bait.

DECEMBER 24
If I ever catch the son of a ***** that drives that snowplough I'll drag him through the snow by the balls. I think he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shovelling and then he comes down the street 100 miles per hour and throws snow all over what used to be my lawn.

DECEMBER 25
Merry Christmas. They predict 20 more inches of the white stuff tonight. Do they know how many shovels full of snow 20 inches is? To hell with Santa, he doesn't have to shovel that white ****. The snowplough driver came by asking for a donation. I hit him over the head with the snow shovel.

DECEMBER 26
We got 28 inches and then some. I must be going snowblind or have a severe case of cabin fever because the wife is starting to look good to me.

DECEMBER 27
The toilet froze. If you go outside don't eat the brown snow.

DECEMBER 28
I set fire to the house. Now that white **** won't cling to the roof!

[Krozair]

oh well cant get into game...might as well post a joke...


Two Scottish nuns had just arrived to the US by boat when one said to the other, "I heard that the occupants of this country actually eat dogs."
"Odd," her companion replied, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do." Nodding emphatically, the mother superior pointed to a hot dog vendor and they both walked towards it. "Two dogs, please," said one.
The vendor was only too pleased to oblige and he wrapped both hot dogs in foil. Excited, the nuns hurried over to a bench and began to unwrap their 'dogs'. The mother superior was first to open hers, then, stared at it for a moment, leaned over to the other nun and whispered cautiously, "What part did you get?"

[Krozair]

Michael and Gary got married in California. They couldn't afford a real honeymoon so they drive back to Michael's mum and dad's house in Portland, Oregon for their first married night together.

In the morning, Johnny, Michael's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mum if Michael and Gary are up yet. She replies "No".

Johnny asks "Do you know what I think?" His mum replies "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school".

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mum "Are Michael and Gary up yet?" She replies "No".

Johnny says "Do you know what I think?" His mum replies "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school!"

After school, Johnny comes home and asks again "Are Michael and Gary up yet?" His mum says "No". He asks "Do you know what I think?" His mum replies "Okay tell me what you think".

He says "Last night Michael came to my room for the Vaseline and I think... I gave him my model airplane glue by mistake.

[Krozair]

I took my son out for his first pint. Got him a Fosters. He didn't like it - I had it. Then I got him Carlsberg, he didn't like that either, I had it. It was the same with Guinness and Cider. By the time we got down to the whisky I could hardly push the bloody pram home!

[Krozair]

Ok here is something different - but i think regular readers of this thread will enjoy it...

These are current War Terms and Conditions I have posted in the War Forums thread.....



Hi All

Thought it best to set out a few rules so we can all have fun....

1 - No Player Killing (PK) - never fun to kill off some one - and never nice to see someone die - if I see a prov with under 500 peasants if I am on I will post in these forums - if the province then doesnt do anything about it and dies anyway at least they had been warned...

2 - After 48 hours regardless of the actual state of the war you will surrender.
No no, its alright you dont have too thank us (too much) for allowing you to do so... after all its only fair - after seeing the snatch news of your kingdom your Monarch and Chamberlain would have shouted YES and punched the air in delight - a war AND against a smaller opponent! All their Christmas's had come at once.

So the advantages for your surrendering.... they are simple, You seem like nice people and I like to win wars - so letting us win is a "nice" thing to do.
Also, and an added bonus, by losing a war you suddenly find LOTS of other kingdoms will want to war you, serious, it is true... when we had the one war win it took FOREVER to find someone else to war - the one loss and let me tell you they were lined up at the gate to get a piece of the action - we've had hostiles coming out of our wazoo ever since. And the REAL beauty of this is that they will wade in thinking they are going to have a push over and you and me both know that you will knock the living crap out of them... so happy days for you and we all win :)

Terms and Conditions:
1 - By reading the above you and your province and your kingdom and your spare province that you think no one really knows about, but everyone secretly does but don't want to let you know they know, are bound by the above in full agreement.
2 - By logging into this forum you agree to the above
3 - By logging into your province - even if you haven't logged into this forum you agree to the above
4 - By having some one you know log into the game you are bound to agree to the above
5 - By being born / hatched / arriving by divine intervention you agree to the above

Failure to abide by the above terms and conditions can or may result in the following curses:

May the curse of Mary Malone and her nine blind illegitimate children chase you so far over the hills of Damnation that the Lord himself can't find you with a telescope.
May ketchup always find your shirt
May all the windows you jump through be closed
May all your friends eat beans constantly.
May all the water you dive into be a mirage
May all your sandwiches have mold on them.
May you have a close encounter with an insane dentist
May a rabbit mistake your nose for a carrot
May you be the recipient of the south end of a north-facing camel.
May all your teeth fall out except for the one with the toothache!
May your daughter's hair grow thick and abundant, all over her face!
May onions grow in your navel!
May the IRS disallow all your deductions!
May the Easter Bunny leave you rotten eggs and jellied green beans!
May you be given a lump of coal for Christmas!
May all of Santa's reindeer get the ****s on your roof!
May you be stricken with epilepsy while having open heart surgery!
May you be ticketed for driving 56 on the Interstate highway!
May you swallow a fishbone whilst eating sushi!
May all the BBSs deny you access forevermore!
May you try your luck at roller skating, while descending the stairs!
May a mean surgeon sew up your asshole!
May the fleas of a thousand dead camels infest one of your errogenous zones.
May you turn into a chandelier, and hang all day and burn all night!
May the desert winds blow a pissed off scorpion up your undershorts.
May you live in interesting times.

Happy gaming peoples and enjoy the war...