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Thread: Krozair's Krackup's

  1. #436
    I like to post Landro's Avatar
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  2. #437
    Member Malagant's Avatar
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    Harr!

  3. #438
    I like to post Landro's Avatar
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  4. #439
    Forum Addict Krozair's Avatar
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    A young boy asked his mother "Ma, is it true that people can be taken apart like machines?" "Of course not, where did you hear such nonsense?" replied his mother. The young boy answered "The other day, Daddy was talking to someone on the phone, and he said that he screwed the ass off his secretary".
    Laughter IS the best medicine - always

  5. #440
    Forum Fanatic freemehul's Avatar
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    Top 10 likely things to happen if a potential whitehouse.gov security leak gets abused.

    no. 10
    Spam, Egg, Spam, Bacon, Spam, Tomatoes, Spam

    no. 9
    News: Kardashians to visit the White House this saturday.

    no. 8
    Good news we now sell real Gucci handbags.

    no. 7
    First lady new diet includes few veggies and no coffee.

    no. 6
    White House to sell prescription meds including viagra.

    no. 5
    Yes we can sell our own new brand of e-cigarettes.

    no. 4
    We've got a new bunch of good looking interns.

    no. 3
    "hey look I can give the background of this site a nice gold color"

    no. 2
    Please open this file posted by the IRS, because you may already be a winner.

    no. 1
    "Downtime" brought to you by the same guys as healthcare.gov
    Corruption is a serious impediment to civil liberties.

  6. #441
    Forum Addict Krozair's Avatar
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    This elderly Italian guy goes to his parish priest and asked if he would hear his confession. The priest assured him that he would, and the two took up the customary positions on either side of the divider.
    "Well, Father" began the old man "At the beginning of World War II a beautiful Jewish woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans. So I hid her in my attic, and they never found her". "That's a wonderful thing" interjected the priest "But it's certainly nothing you need to confess!"
    "It gets worse Father" continued the elderly fellow "I was weak and I told her that she had to repay me for hiding her, by providing me with sexual favours". The priest contemplated this disclosure for a minute and then responded "Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a very large risk. You would have suffered terribly at their hands if the Germans had found you hiding her. I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the evil of your acts, and judge you kindly".
    "Thank you Father" said the old man. "That's a load off my mind! Can I ask another question?" "Of course, my son" said the priest. The old man asked "Do I have to tell her that the war is over?"
    Laughter IS the best medicine - always

  7. #442
    Forum Addict Krozair's Avatar
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    For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman.
    One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he said he would pay her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. Furthermore, if she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.
    She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discreet, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write 'Spaghetti' on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.
    One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.
    "Honey, she said "you received a very strange post card today". "Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later" he said. The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.
    On the card was written: Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Three with meatballs, two without. Send extra sauce.
    Laughter IS the best medicine - always

  8. #443
    Forum Addict Krozair's Avatar
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    A young woman had entered her dog in the dog show in the smooth-haired breed category. To give it an advantage, she went to the chemist for some hair remover. The chemist gave her the product requested and advised "Just remember to keep your arms up for at least five minutes". "Errr... it's not for my armpits" she flustered, embarrassed "It's for my Chihuahua". "Oh well, in that case" said the chemist "don't ride a bike for twenty minutes".
    Laughter IS the best medicine - always

  9. #444
    Post Demon DM_Benjamin's Avatar
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    I take it you read a lot of jokes :p
    Redwood Originals ~Lowriders for life

  10. #445
    Forum Addict Krozair's Avatar
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    Who me???? LOL


    A nun and a priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel. On the third day out the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning. After dusting themselves off the nun and the priest surveyed their situation.

    After a long period of silence, the Priest spoke. "Well Sister, this looks pretty grim". "I know, Father. In fact, I don't think it likely that we can survive more than a day or two". "I agree" says the Father. "Sister, since we are unlikely to make it out of here alive, would you do something for me?" "Yes Father - anything". "I have never seen a woman's breasts and I was wondering if I might see yours". "Well, under the circumstances I don't see that it would do any harm".

    The Nun opened her habit and the priest enjoyed the sight of her shapely breasts, commenting frequently on their beauty.

    "Sister, would you mind if I touched them?" She consented and he fondled them for several minutes. "Father, could I ask something of you?" "Yes, Sister?" "I have never seen a man's penis. Could I see yours?" "I suppose that would be okay" the Priest replied lifting his robe. "Oh Father, may I touch it?" The priest consented and after a few minutes of fondling he was sporting a huge erection.

    "Sister, you know that if I insert my penis in the right place, it can give life?" "Is that true Father?" "Yes, it is, Sister". "Oh Father, that is wonderful! Stick it in the camel and let's get the hell out of here!"
    Laughter IS the best medicine - always

  11. #446
    Moderator umajon911's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Krozair View Post
    Who me???? LOL


    A nun and a priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel. On the third day out the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning. After dusting themselves off the nun and the priest surveyed their situation.

    After a long period of silence, the Priest spoke. "Well Sister, this looks pretty grim". "I know, Father. In fact, I don't think it likely that we can survive more than a day or two". "I agree" says the Father. "Sister, since we are unlikely to make it out of here alive, would you do something for me?" "Yes Father - anything". "I have never seen a woman's breasts and I was wondering if I might see yours". "Well, under the circumstances I don't see that it would do any harm".

    The Nun opened her habit and the priest enjoyed the sight of her shapely breasts, commenting frequently on their beauty.

    "Sister, would you mind if I touched them?" She consented and he fondled them for several minutes. "Father, could I ask something of you?" "Yes, Sister?" "I have never seen a man's penis. Could I see yours?" "I suppose that would be okay" the Priest replied lifting his robe. "Oh Father, may I touch it?" The priest consented and after a few minutes of fondling he was sporting a huge erection.

    "Sister, you know that if I insert my penis in the right place, it can give life?" "Is that true Father?" "Yes, it is, Sister". "Oh Father, that is wonderful! Stick it in the camel and let's get the hell out of here!"
    Krozair...last war these were amazing!!! :-D thank you!

  12. #447
    Forum Addict Krozair's Avatar
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    Glad you enjoyed the jokes and the war- another reason for people to war PainTrain... free jokes with every war :)

    Merry Christmas


    Here's one for the holiday season...

    Santa Claus, like all pilots, gets regular visits from the Federal Aviation Administration, and it was shortly before Christmas when the FAA examiner arrived. In preparation, Santa had the elves wash the sled and bathe all the reindeer. Santa got his logbook out and made sure all his paperwork was in order.
    The examiner walked slowly around the sled. He check the reindeer harnesses, the landing gear, and Rudolf's nose. He painstakingly reviewed Santa's weight and balance calculations for the sled's enormous payload.
    Finally, they were ready for the check ride. Santa got in and fastened his seatbelt and shoulder harness and checked the compass. Then the examiner hopped in carrying, to Santa's surprise, a shotgun.
    "What's that for?" asked Santa incredulously. The examiner winked and said "I'm not supposed to tell you this, but you're gonna lose an engine on take-off!"
    Laughter IS the best medicine - always

  13. #448
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    What do you call a 3-humped camel?


    Pregnant
    *slow sloth laugh*

  14. #449
    Moderator umajon911's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Palem View Post
    What do you call a 3-humped camel?




    Pregnant
    *slow sloth laugh*

    LOL!!!! Palem... I told my wife that while we were just cooking dinner...she slapped me HAHA Merry Christmas!

  15. #450
    Forum Addict Krozair's Avatar
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    On New Year's Eve, Daniel was in no shape to drive, so he sensibly left his van in the car park and walked home. As he was wobbling along, he was stopped by a policeman. 'What are you doing out here at four o'clock in the morning?' asked the police officer.

    'I'm on my way to a lecture,' answered Roger.

    'And who on earth, in their right mind, is going to give a lecture at this time on New Year's Eve?' enquired the constable sarcastically.

    'My wife,' slurred Daniel grimly
    Laughter IS the best medicine - always

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