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Thread: Krozair's Krackup's

  1. #541
    I like to post Landro's Avatar
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    This isn't really the place for politics but it'll give you a good laugh so here it is


  2. #542
    Postaholic Krozair's Avatar
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    ROFL - love it.....



    A group of women were at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with their husband. The women were asked "How many of you love your husband?" All the women raised their hands.

    Then they were asked "When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?" Some women answered today, a few yesterday, and some couldn't remember.

    The women were then told to take out their cell phones and text to their husband "I love you, sweetheart".

    The women were then instructed to exchange phones with another person, and to read aloud the text message they received back. Here are the12 replies:

    -Who the hell is this?
    -Eh, mother of my children, are you sick or what?
    -Yeah, and I love you too. What's up with you?
    -What now? Did you crash the car again?
    -I don't understand what you mean?
    -What the heck did you do now?
    -Don't beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need?
    -Am I dreaming?
    -If you don't tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die.
    -I thought we agreed you wouldn't drink during the day.
    -Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn't she?
    Laughter IS the best medicine - always

  3. #543
    Postaholic Krozair's Avatar
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    I woke up this morning at 8, and could sense something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn't know what to do. Then I remembered McDonald's serves breakfast until 11:30.
    Laughter IS the best medicine - always

  4. #544
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    You know you're getting old when you walk past a group of priests and they don't even notice you
    Last edited by Landro; 16-03-2017 at 08:45.

  5. #545
    Postaholic Krozair's Avatar
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    @Landro - but you are not a 15yr old school boy gather.....





    The racing-car driver picked up a girl after a race, went home with her and took her to bed. He fell asleep only to be awakened suddenly when she smacked him in the face. "What's the matter?!? Didn't I satisfy you when we screwed?" he asked. "It was after you fell asleep that got you into trouble" said the angry woman. "In your sleep, you felt my tits and mumbled 'What perfect headlights.' Then you felt my thighs and murmured 'What a smooth finish'". "What's wrong with that?" asked the driver. "Nothing, but then you felt my pussy and yelled, 'Who the hell left the garage door open?'"
    --
    Laughter IS the best medicine - always

  6. #546
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    Quote Originally Posted by Krozair View Post
    @Landro - but you are not a 15yr old school boy gather.....
    You're never too old to make fun of hypocrites :-)




  7. #547
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  8. #548
    Postaholic Krozair's Avatar
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    An office manager arrives at his department and sees an employee sitting behind his desk totally stressed out. He gives him the advice "I went home every afternoon for two weeks and had sex with my wife. It was fantastic and it really helped, you should try it too!" Two weeks later when the manager arrives at his department he sees the man happy and full of energy at his desk. The phone is ringing off the hook and computer running at full speed. "I see you followed my advice?" "I did" answers the employee "It was great! By the way I didn't know you had such a nice house!"
    Laughter IS the best medicine - always

  9. #549
    Postaholic Krozair's Avatar
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    One morning, a young nun woke up, got out of bed, and dressed for the day ahead. She then left her room and headed downstairs for breakfast.

    As she walked down a corridor, she passed two older nuns, one of whom said "You got out of the wrong side of bed this morning".

    The two older nuns then walked away giggling. The young nun was puzzled by this, but shrugged it off and carried on.

    She then passed another older nun who also said "You got out of the wrong side of bed this morning". before walking away giggling.

    As the young nun continued to make her way down to the dinner hall, she kept on passing her fellow sisters, all of whom made the same "You got out of the wrong side of bed this morning" comment and walked away laughing.

    By the time the young nun got to the dinner hall she was so livid she bumped into the Mother Superior in the doorway.

    The Mother Superior was just about to open her mouth to say something before the younger nun cut in, saying "Don't tell me, 'I got out of the wrong side of the bed this morning' right?"

    The Mother Superior shrugged and then said "I wasn't going to say that. I was going to ask, what are you doing with the Bishop's shoes on...?"
    Laughter IS the best medicine - always

  10. #550
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    Last edited by Landro; 02-04-2017 at 09:45.

  11. #551
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    Hey look, Oglaf has a work safe comic for a change


  12. #552
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    A doctor recently had a patient drop in on him for an unscheduled appointment. "What can I do for you today?" the Doctor asked. The aged Gentleman replied "Doctor, you must help me. Every time I make love to my wife, my eyes get all bleary, my legs go weak, I can hardly catch my breath. Doc, I'm scarred!" The doctor, looking at his 86 year old patient, said "Mr. Smith, these sensations tend to happen over time, especially to a man of your advanced years, but tell me, when did you first notice these symptoms?" The old gent's response was "Well... three times last night, and twice again this morning!"
    Laughter IS the best medicine - always

  13. #553
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  14. #554
    Man: "God, why you make woman so beautiful?"
    God: "So you would love her."
    Man: "But God, why you make her so dumb?"
    God: "So she would love you!"

  15. #555
    Postaholic Krozair's Avatar
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    A young southern gentleman moved to New York City to find fame and fortune. There he met and proposed to a Yankee girl. His very prim and proper elderly mother came to New York for the wedding festivities.
    She was invited to a luncheon for the wedding party, and found herself seated next to a woman to whom she had not been introduced. She very politely turned to the woman and said "Let me introduce myself, I'm the mother of the groom. And where are you from?"
    The Yankee lady stuck her nose in the air, and in a condescending tone replied "Well, I'm from an area where we know better than to end our sentences with a preposition".
    The elderly southern lady sat quietly for a moment and then replied "How silly of me, you are so right. Let me rephrase that question: So, where are you from, *****?"
    Laughter IS the best medicine - always

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