I see him on MSN now and then but he hasn't been posting here. My initial assumption is he has turned into a brain eating zombie who can no longer type ^_^

Ziran, definitely improved, and I'm surprised at how quick you've done it. The post pace has slowed down a bit in Skysail, I blame myself for that, so how about keep up the practice for another 2 weeks, post another sample then, and if you've once again showed your improvement you're welcome back with open arms.

You do still need to watch grammar and sentence structure. It might seem like a little thing, but an improperly placed comma just completely throws off how something should be read. Here's one example.

"I wish to talk to you, and your Queen about the possibility of changing the terms of our current relationship." He announced to his people.
The sentence should be:

I wish to talk to you and your Queen about the possibility of changing the terms of our current relationship," he announced to his people.

It's only 2 commas, but it vastly improves the flow and readability.

@Mire --> where have you been? I know I see you back around, reviving Tome now and again, but how come no more posts? You used to be such a regular to rely on ^_^

And I mirror all of Drice's sentiments.