Ghetto Monarchy Stories (Let's share...)

[vendetta]

I'm just a forum lurker these days but I do still read some posts here and still read a lot of nubly posts about the other KD not withdrawing etc. So, I had a flashback of funny stories of when I was leading ghettos or was trying to build a Ghetto into a project and competitive KD. I (still) get the feeling that I'm talking that the other dude posting is another 16/17 year old kid like I was in '01/'02 playing this game.

So, what's your funniest / craziest / annoying / mildly interesting ghetto monarchy story?

--

Here's mine:

One, that's on the top of my head is that I am quite competitive back in the days even in a ghetto. I literally sleep just 4 hours for ghetto wars because I freaking refresh and analyze my KD news feed - and it's a freaking ghetto war. Anyways, I played with this American - he was in the Army stationed in Afghanistan I think. Initially, I thought I was the one who plays with an edge - but this guy would literally ping me over MSN talking about every move we have to make - or need to make and he would bash caps-locked messages on me at times just to make a point. Dude's intense.

He's also the brashest guy in the forums and would smack talk their monarch through PMs. He was actually a decent player so he can back it up -- but one fun part is when he gets chained -- and will have a hissy fit of all-Caps on MSN and the forums. And here's the best bit: It came to a point that I had to convince him that we need to withdraw wars by giving him reasons. For him, it's winnable -- every time. He would literally spend an hour drawing up a gameplan on MSN or convince me we are still doing fine. Sometimes I give in and let him lead some hits, but of course none of them works. But I have to convince him again.

And when we win, he's actually the most civil guy to post a lengthy note to the opponent. He's the most active guy and was playing with me til I got that shiat of a ghetto KD to the top 30-40 tier ghetto playing so many years ago. It was fun playing in a ghetto with those kinds of people -- reminds me of us basically teenagers / kids playing this game more than a decade ago.

This is one large part I miss playing this game...in ghettos.

[Palem]

Are you trying to write an updated Ghetto Code of Valor? Because I'll be all about that lol

My weirdest story is this one time I randomed into a ghetto at the start of the age. Was a bunch of randoms and one guy wanted monarchy. He didn't talk much, but it was a ghetto and they'll vote for whoever says "Vote for me." We get OOP and we start hitting around, but the monarch focuses on 1 kingdom and after a couple days, gives up the button. They declare. Monarch gives some pretty general/lame orders, but somehow, we pull through and win it! After that war, exact same story. Monarch focuses hits on another kingdom, gives up button, get declared on, gives horrible orders and in a miracle we pull off another win. After that war, he tries it again, gives a button to a kingdom, we get declared on and we lose. Monarch immediately defects lol

[umajon911]

Are you trying to write an updated Ghetto Code of Valor? Because I'll be all about that lol

My weirdest story is this one time I randomed into a ghetto at the start of the age. Was a bunch of randoms and one guy wanted monarchy. He didn't talk much, but it was a ghetto and they'll vote for whoever says "Vote for me." We get OOP and we start hitting around, but the monarch focuses on 1 kingdom and after a couple days, gives up the button. They declare. Monarch gives some pretty general/lame orders, but somehow, we pull through and win it! After that war, exact same story. Monarch focuses hits on another kingdom, gives up button, get declared on, gives horrible orders and in a miracle we pull off another win. After that war, he tries it again, gives a button to a kingdom, we get declared on and we lose. Monarch immediately defects lol

LOL

*Tosses papers into air and flips the birds* IM OUTTA HERE! :-p

[Uhm hoi]

Not a ghetto monarchy story, but a ghetto story anyway.

I random into a kingdom and it seems quite organised for a ghetto. Every attacker playing undead, lots of talk about strategy, nice atmosphere, I felt right at home. Age starts, people start randomming, we all start gaining some nice acres, great start. Seemed like everyone knew what he was doing. About 1,5-2 weeks into the age we are challenged to a war and we eagerly accept. I felt confident AF, this was like a ghetto dream team. War starts and the chat is suddenly empty. T/m's go mia cause what are they suppost to do in war, they dont attack anyway, right? The 4 people who were actually doing army in/out, including yours truly, got their provinces completely decimated. Suiciding undeads got hit once and ragequitted cause they didnt expect to get hit. And yes, that is a plural. I don't think I've ever been part of such a large farmout in my entire utopian carreer. Took the active players more than an age to turn that kingdom into a kingdom that could win a war (any war).

[StratOcastle]

Many, but this one comes to mind. Told it before, but, for the new guys..

We are a semi-organized low-low unranked ghetto kingdom with a crazy steward and a resolute monarch.
I'm running my fav, an avian tac and kickin cans in the lower midrange. The war was very close, but we were winning.

In war forum one of the enemy suspects I'm cheating and asks how come I get so many attacks. I was confused but answered "avian tacs move faster than anything else". Crazy steward scoffs about the enemies low defenses as to why I was able to use all my generals.

Enemy answers "so that's what the other generals are for."

We WD min time..

Oooh, that wasn't ghetto monarchy. Sorry. Basically I've only done monarchy as a solo province. More stories there.

[Tadpole]

Joined a ghetto after 10 or so years away from the game. Was late age, but some how got tricked into monarchy. Kingdom was laughable. Had even managed to misspell their kd name Roughknecks despite an american monarch. Had the silliest of people find out I played again (that'd be Korp) and trick me into inviting a whole bunch of old friends/other old has-beens into the kd. Starts the new age with 25 players and a clueless monarch (that'd be me). Top #5 on the server a few days into the age. Thinking "I still got it!"/"kd quality really gone down hill", not realizing there's only like 10-15 kingdoms even bothering going for growth. Last I played every one did. War and honor kds put on size as well and the competition was fierce all through the top 50 (and beyond). Nor realizing that mostly only half-decent kds recruit up to 25. If you don't have more than 6-8 people on IRC (or any other external communication tool) you're probably better staying smaller. First war (a top 5-10 war then I guess) and we loose like crazy, ofc. Monarch (again, me) most likely does a ****ty job too. Goes on loosing another four wars that age. By some miracle wins one.

Silver lining though, after that rocky start the kingdom only very rarely lost any wars again, and gained a decent rep in the warring tier. It costed a few old grumpy f*cks their previously so enjoyable utopia-free lifestyles, upset a couple of wives/gfs and added a few addictions on the docs patient-lists. But it was worth it to shrug that first horror of realizing we were so utterly **** first age back off.

[Che Guevara]

Okay, try this one on for size:

In an age long past, in a kingdom long since crumbled to dust and ruin, there was a Che. This particular Che had randomed into the kingdom around midage the previous age, and had decided to select the "Stay With Kingdom" option. He had everything a normal human could hope for; a beautiful Queen, active players, a "loving" alliance. But this was a Che, not a mere human, and so he wanted more. At the beginning of the new age, this particular Che decided that if he had everything a normal human could want, he would double it. Or more? And so this Che made some new accounts with which to increase his satisfaction. As it so happened, the Queen of one of his new kingdoms made a post on the kingdom forums giving strats/advice/etc that just so happened to be a 100% match of something his Queen from his old kingdom posted. A pure copy and paste! This Che immediately believed he had caught his Queen running multi accounts! But being a prudent Che, he did not bring accusations against her. Instead, he politely inquired if she had typed up the post herself. The new Queen told him that she had not, and that her best friend was actually a monarch of another kingdom and had posted it. Feeling dubious, but not wanting to directly challenge her, he started talking to both Queens on ICQ frequently. They both went to Grinnell University, and apparently were actually best friends and not multies. After about an age or so, there were some comments made about meeting Che. It was summer time, so Che was out of school. He told them he could drive up to meet them. Both Queens said that would be awesome. The Queen of the new kingdom was actually taking a summer class at Western Illinois University, in Macomb, Ill, and she invited Che to drive up and meet her there. It was an 800+ mile one-way trip for Che, but he readily agreed. After some (read: no) planning, Che got in his car and started driving. He eventually stopped in Havana, which is south of Cuba, near Little America, close to New Holland, and way past Normal. He placed a phone call from a payphone to the new Queen, to let her know he was almost there and to figure out exactly how to get there. The new Queen told him she wouldn't be able to meet him for a an hour, but told him they could meet at a Wal-Mart in Macomb. Che made it to the Wal-Mart and waited. And waited. He was becoming concerned about the wait, as it had been about two hours, but he did not lose faith. He eventually called his old Queen, as the new Queen was not answering her phone. His old Queen told him that they were almost there, the new Queen had gotten scared and called the old Queen to come down from her parents' house which was about two hours away. Eventually, both Queens showed up, and he followed them to the WIU campus. He left his car there and the three of them went for dinner. They talked and talked about Utopia. When they got back to the dorm, Che was given the top bunk while the two Queens shared the lower bunk. Some things happened that probably cannot be divulged on the forums, but rest assured that Che had some satisfaction that night, but not as much as he had hoped. The next day they hung out until late evening, and then Che headed back off into the sunset. Actually, away from the sunset, heading east. Driving all night he managed to watch the sunrise on the coast.

P.S.
If you happen to be one of Che's Queens, he would like to hear from you again!

[Crunch]

Okay, try this one on for size:

In an age long past, in a kingdom long since crumbled to dust and ruin, there was a Che. This particular Che had randomed into the kingdom around midage the previous age, and had decided to select the "Stay With Kingdom" option. He had everything a normal human could hope for; a beautiful Queen, active players, a "loving" alliance. But this was a Che, not a mere human, and so he wanted more. At the beginning of the new age, this particular Che decided that if he had everything a normal human could want, he would double it. Or more? And so this Che made some new accounts with which to increase his satisfaction. As it so happened, the Queen of one of his new kingdoms made a post on the kingdom forums giving strats/advice/etc that just so happened to be a 100% match of something his Queen from his old kingdom posted. A pure copy and paste! This Che immediately believed he had caught his Queen running multi accounts! But being a prudent Che, he did not bring accusations against her. Instead, he politely inquired if she had typed up the post herself. The new Queen told him that she had not, and that her best friend was actually a monarch of another kingdom and had posted it. Feeling dubious, but not wanting to directly challenge her, he started talking to both Queens on ICQ frequently. They both went to Grinnell University, and apparently were actually best friends and not multies. After about an age or so, there were some comments made about meeting Che. It was summer time, so Che was out of school. He told them he could drive up to meet them. Both Queens said that would be awesome. The Queen of the new kingdom was actually taking a summer class at Western Illinois University, in Macomb, Ill, and she invited Che to drive up and meet her there. It was an 800+ mile one-way trip for Che, but he readily agreed. After some (read: no) planning, Che got in his car and started driving. He eventually stopped in Havana, which is south of Cuba, near Little America, close to New Holland, and way past Normal. He placed a phone call from a payphone to the new Queen, to let her know he was almost there and to figure out exactly how to get there. The new Queen told him she wouldn't be able to meet him for a an hour, but told him they could meet at a Wal-Mart in Macomb. Che made it to the Wal-Mart and waited. And waited. He was becoming concerned about the wait, as it had been about two hours, but he did not lose faith. He eventually called his old Queen, as the new Queen was not answering her phone. His old Queen told him that they were almost there, the new Queen had gotten scared and called the old Queen to come down from her parents' house which was about two hours away. Eventually, both Queens showed up, and he followed them to the WIU campus. He left his car there and the three of them went for dinner. They talked and talked about Utopia. When they got back to the dorm, Che was given the top bunk while the two Queens shared the lower bunk. Some things happened that probably cannot be divulged on the forums, but rest assured that Che had some satisfaction that night, but not as much as he had hoped. The next day they hung out until late evening, and then Che headed back off into the sunset. Actually, away from the sunset, heading east. Driving all night he managed to watch the sunrise on the coast.

P.S.
If you happen to be one of Che's Queens, he would like to hear from you again!

you should consider editing the entire post maybe even start over.. or don't.... Not even worthy of poop reading material i gave up after the first 2 sentences.