I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
Laughter IS the best medicine - always
A man finds a magic lamp and rubs it. A genie appears and says, "I will grant you three wishes."
The man thinks for a moment and says, "I want to be rich."
The genie snaps his fingers, and the man is surrounded by piles of money.
The man then says, "I want to be famous."
The genie snaps his fingers again, and the man’s face is on every magazine cover and billboard.
For his last wish, the man says, "I want to be irresistible to women."
The genie snaps his fingers one last time, and the man turns into a box of chocolates.
Laughter IS the best medicine - always
A drunk guy is showing friends his new apartment.
The last stop is the bedroom, where a big brass gong sits next to the bed.
“What’s that gong for?” the friend asks him.
“It’s not a gong,” the drunk replies. “It’s a talking clock.”
“How does it work?”
The guy picks up a hammer, gives the gong an ear-shattering pound, and steps back.
Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screams, “For God’s sake, you asshole…it’s 3:30 in the god damn morning!”
Yes Tungsten tongue from 1:3 I am "The Krozair" - enjoy
Laughter IS the best medicine - always
Me: Honey, were you being serious when you said I’m the only one you’ve ever been with?
Wife: Yes babe, I promise you it’s the truth. All the others were eights and nines.
Laughter IS the best medicine - always
An elderly couple who are both widowed have been courting for a long time.
They decide it's finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they go out to dinner and talk about how their marriage might work.
They discuss finances, living arrangements and so on.
Finally, the man broaches the subject of their physical relationship.
"How do you feel about sex?" he asks, rather tentatively.
"I would like it infrequently," replies the old lady.
The old gentleman sits quietly for a moment, adjusts his glasses, leans over towards her and whispers: "Is that one word or two?"
Laughter IS the best medicine - always
hahahaha
Why does Santa always land on your roof? Because he likes it on top! ����
Why is Santa so good at delivering gifts? He knows how to handle a big sack! ����
“I told Santa I’ve been good this year… he laughed so hard, his belly shook like a bowl full of jelly! ����”
“Your stocking isn’t the only thing I want to stuff this year. ����”
“Santa comes but once a year… I’m hoping to beat his record. ����”
Laughter IS the best medicine - always
Dead On Christmas Eve
Three men die on Christmas Eve and go to heaven, where they’re met by Saint Peter. “In order to get in,” he tells them, “you must each produce something representative of the holidays.”
The first man digs into his pockets and pulls out a match and lights it. “This represents a candle of hope.” Impressed, Peter lets him in.
The second man pulls out a tangle of keys and shakes them. “These are bells.” He’s allowed in too.
“So,” Peter says to the third man, “what do you have?”
The third man proudly shows him a pair of red panties.
“What do these have to do with Christmas?” asks Peter.
“They’re Carol’s.”
Laughter IS the best medicine - always
It was Christmas Eve in at the meat counter and a woman was anxiously picking over the last few remaining turkeys in the hope of finding a large one.
In desperation she called over a shop assistant and said: ‘Excuse me. Do these turkeys get any bigger?’
‘No, madam,’ he replied, ‘They’re all dead.’
Laughter IS the best medicine - always
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