Krozair's Krackup's

[Krozair]

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.

[Krozair]

A man finds a magic lamp and rubs it. A genie appears and says, "I will grant you three wishes."

The man thinks for a moment and says, "I want to be rich."

The genie snaps his fingers, and the man is surrounded by piles of money.

The man then says, "I want to be famous."

The genie snaps his fingers again, and the man’s face is on every magazine cover and billboard.

For his last wish, the man says, "I want to be irresistible to women."

The genie snaps his fingers one last time, and the man turns into a box of chocolates.

[Krozair]

A drunk guy is showing friends his new apartment.
The last stop is the bedroom, where a big brass gong sits next to the bed.
“What’s that gong for?” the friend asks him.
“It’s not a gong,” the drunk replies. “It’s a talking clock.”
“How does it work?”
The guy picks up a hammer, gives the gong an ear-shattering pound, and steps back.
Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screams, “For God’s sake, you asshole…it’s 3:30 in the god damn morning!”


Yes Tungsten tongue from 1:3 I am "The Krozair" - enjoy

[Krozair]

Me: Honey, were you being serious when you said I’m the only one you’ve ever been with?
Wife: Yes babe, I promise you it’s the truth. All the others were eights and nines.

[Krozair]

An elderly couple who are both widowed have been courting for a long time.

They decide it's finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they go out to dinner and talk about how their marriage might work.

They discuss finances, living arrangements and so on.

Finally, the man broaches the subject of their physical relationship.

"How do you feel about sex?" he asks, rather tentatively.

"I would like it infrequently," replies the old lady.

The old gentleman sits quietly for a moment, adjusts his glasses, leans over towards her and whispers: "Is that one word or two?"