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Fully, if you consider yourself a good and active player, then I suggest getting out of that ghetto first. Growing a lot bigger than the others in your kingdom only invites attacks from people in stronger kingdoms. Once you find yourself a nice kingdom with active players, ask for aid to grow to their size and enjoy the game :)
You should defect (and hope you land in a decent kd) or get recruited in a better kd. Otherwise there is no point playing.
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Wow totally forgot I wrote this.
In a top 20 kingdom now and its great being able to have meaningful wars and constantly attack.
Still though all new players are going to struggle in ghetto's.
try to get an invite thru these forums or IRC... Much better than defect...
explore is cool, but don't give up the offense.
afterall if for example my attacker can brake you once I can do it every 12 hours until you are to small for me.
and at large size that might mean loss of a lot of time.
keep offense to defend yourself, just don't use it.
better play a race that can maintain a very high defense with the offense in.
actually attacking is expensive and riskey. and there comes a point in the age where if you don't have kd support you'd better explore/train rather then leave the province with low defense.
ofcourse you have to retaliate repeated hits, you can even let the first one go if you beleive it to be truely random and of non repited pattern.
hits that are going to duplicate themself must be retalled.